


All I Know

by GameGrumpsSexbangFangirl



Series: The Grumps and I [3]
Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 10:04:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6047554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GameGrumpsSexbangFangirl/pseuds/GameGrumpsSexbangFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The third part in my Grumps and I series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Having My Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's Point of View

"She's bleeding!" Suzy was screaming repeatedly.  
I had pulled the box off of her immediately. I thought that Suzy had meant her head was bleeding due to her hitting her head so hard, but when I saw where the blood was coming from I went into panic mode. I didn't know what to do.  
____ was blacked out on the floor. Everyone was panicking. Holly was on the phone with the hospital. Arin was calling 911, and Ross and Kevin were waiting outside for the ambulance to get here. Barry was standing up against the back wall, he wasn't doing shit to help, but I had no time to be pissed about that now.  
Suzy stayed next to ____ with me. The ambulance was taking forever and she was bleeding more and more. I held my hand on her stomach. Charlotte wasn't moving around like I thought she would have been. My heart sank. I couldn't fathom losing them both.  
I heard the ambulance pull up and I saw the flashing lights through the window.  
"I'll go, you follow behind in your car, alright." I could barely hear Suzy through the pounding in my ears but I nodded.  
The EMTs came in with a stretcher and everyone backed up. They carefully placed her on it and strapped her in and put a neck brace on her. They wheeled her out and Suzy followed behind her.  
I saw the police car behind the ambulance and they told me that they'd meet me at the hospital to question me on what happened.  
I rushed to the car and got it started and drove off as fast as I could. My mind was racing and thoughts were whirling through my head. I was terrified. The police had their lights on and everyone pulled over as the ambulance, the cops and I rushed to the hospital. I wish I could have been in the ambulance with her. 

We pulled up to the hospital and I got out of the car and stood near the back of the ambulance waiting for them the bring her out. I could hear screaming from inside of it and as they opened the back doors I saw it was ____ who was screaming.  
It was a bloodcurdling scream of both pain and horror. Suzy looked shocked and terrified as she got out behind the stretcher. Her eyes were blood shot and she had tears running down her cheeks.  
"When did she come to?" I asked her, I was as terrified as she was, but slightly happy to see that ____ was still okay from what I could see.  
"A couple minutes before we got to the hospital. She just started screaming. She saw the blood on her dress and just screamed." Suzy's eyes followed the stretched into the hospital.  
The cops came over to talk to us. They wanted to know what happened and we told them that she was trying to get a box open and the box was stronger than she was and she fell back and it fell on top of her. It looked like they didn't believe Suzy and I but I could give a fuck less. I needed to be with ___ right now. They let us go in and we could hear her screaming from down the hallway. The nurse in the main entry nodded and pointed to where they took her. Suzy had to stay behind but I ran as fast as I could down the hall to see where they took her. I followed the screaming and stopped outside a door. I opened it up and the room was already full of doctors and nurses trying to calm ___ and hold her down. When they heard the door open they stopped and turned to look at me.  
I saw ___ and she saw me and she reached out her hand.  
"Oh god Dan, I'm scared." She was crying and hyperventilating. Her face was red and she looked like she was in agonizing pain and it killed me, I could do nothing to help her.  
"I'm right here love. I'm not leaving." I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.  
The doctors hurriedly hooked her up to multiple machines that all started beeping.  
"Ma'am, we want to do an ultrasound and then we'll check in on you in a couple of minutes to check yours and the baby's heart beat. At the moment, she still looks alright. Everything will be fine." The doctor left and one of the nurses stayed behind.  
"Would you like some ice? I could bring some in with your gown and stuff." The nurse asked quietly. She was a small women, mid 20's maybe. She was soft spoken and she looked just as traumatized as the rest of us.  
"Oh, yes please." ___ smiled at the nurse, even when she was in all this pain, she was still so sweet to everyone. The nurse nodded and quickly walked out. I was glad to be alone with her, even for the slightest moment.  
"Dan, I'm so sorry. I should have been more careful." She was crying again. I wiped her tears away. I didn't want her to be worried about me right now. But it was so typical of her, she always worried about everyone else before herself.  
"Don't apologize, it's not important right now. Everyone's worried about you."  
"Of course they are, it was your Welcome Home party, and I ruined it. You just got out of the hospital and now we're back in one because I was so-" I held my finger over her lips to shush her. She pursed her lips and then frowned.  
The doctor came in with the ultrasound machine and wheeled it over to the bed. The nurse came in behind him holding a green gown and a cup of ice.  
"Are you able to put the gown on yourself? We could have a couple of nurses come in to assist you." The doctor asked her. ____ swung her legs over the side of the bed and I helped pull her up.  
"Are you alright babe?" Her legs wobbled and the doctor and I both reached out to give her a hand. She steadied herself and the nurse handed her the gown.  
"____ are you sure you don't need any help? I don't want you falling in the bathroom."  
"I'm fine Dan. It'll be quick. I'll keep the door unlocked. You can stand outside the door."  
She shouldn't be trying to be independent right now, for her and Charlottes sake, but I didn't argue and walked over the the bathroom with her. The doctor and nurse waited patiently by the bed.  
Everything was quiet, I heard the doorknob click and I backed up to give her space to walk out. She looked awkwardly adorable, she tried to hold the back of her dress closed and did a sort of waddle over to the bed. She climbed in carefully, making sure not to flash anybody in the process.  
She grabbed a blanket and covered from her waist down and moved the gown up so that the doctor could do the ultrasound. There was no giant TV in the room so I squinted to see the tiny screen Charlotte was on. She was moving a little bit, which was a good sign. ___ sighed with relief when she saw her moving and she squeezed my hand.  
"Alrighty, the baby is alright as you can see. She's in the right position for a vaginal birth. I'll have a nurse in to check your cervix, we're gonna see how dilated you are."  
"Thank you." ___ and I both said at the same time.  
I was so excited. Charlotte was alright and she should be here soon. I leaned over and kissed ____'s stomach and then moved up to kiss ___.  
"Are you ready?" She asked me.  
"As ready as I'll ever be."


	2. Pain and Suffering

The nurse came in shortly after and I looked up at her. She was a tall, thick African American women. She smiled at me and I smiled back. She grabbed a pair of gloves out of the box on the wall.   
"I'm here to check your cervix. Gonna see how long it'll be before you pop this baby out." I laughed and took a deep breath. She reached her hand under the blanket and I reached out to grab Dans hand.   
She had a face of pure concentration and I could feel her hand twisting and turning and I have to tell you it was not a great feeling.   
She removed her hand and took the gloves off and threw them into the garbage bin.   
"So is this your first child?"   
"Yes, I shouldn't really be in here right now. I just hit term about 2 days ago."   
"You and your baby will be just fine. As long as you're term the baby will be healthy."   
"So she won't need to go into the NICU?"   
"Oh no, unless there are labor complications. But everything looks fine honey, you have nothing to worry about."  
"So how many centimeters dilated am I?"   
"Well you're about six centimeters dilated right now. Most women stay stuck there for a while, so if I were you and your boyfriend I'd get some rest now."   
"Alright, thank you."   
The nurse smiled and left. Dan got up and stretched. He started to walk towards the door.   
"Suzy is out in the waiting room, I'm gonna tell her what's going on so that she can go back home and tell everyone. She's really worried, she'll be glad to know everything's alright."   
"Alright, I love you."   
"Love you more darling."   
He left and I was alone with my thoughts. I've been having small contractions but they weren't very painful. I thought I'd take the time to call my mom. I picked up the phone on the table next to my bed and dialed her number. She picked up immediately.   
"Hello? ____ is that you? You're at the hospital?" I forgot she had caller ID and it probably said the name of the hospital when I called her.   
"Mom, calm down. I'm fine. I'm having the baby!"   
"Oh, jeez you scared the crap out of me. How are you feeling?"   
"I'm feeling alright I guess. Contractions aren't that bad."   
"How dilated are you? How long until you have her? I'm so excited, I can't wait to see pictures. Maybe I can come up and visit after you have her and get all settled in?"   
"That would be great, I miss you so much mom, you don't understand."   
"I miss you too honey, I need to get to bed now though, it's 12:30 here."   
"Alright, I love you."   
"Love you too, you get some rest too, you'll need it."   
I hung up the phone and started crying. I missed my mom so much, hearing her voice made it hard for me. I love being here with Dan and everyone else, but being away from my mom and my family is hard for me.   
Dan walked in and saw me crying and ran over to my bedside.   
"Are you in pain? What's wrong?" He looked worried and wiped my tears away.   
"No, I just... I miss my mom. I called her and I just miss her so much Dan."   
"I know baby, I understand." He sat down beside me and started petting my hair.   
"She said she'll come and visit after I have Charlotte." He smiled and kissed my forehead.   
"That's great baby, I can't wait to meet her. We should get some rest though, alright."   
I nodded and he laid on the little sofa next to the bed. His feet dangled off the side, he was so tall. He immediately fell asleep though, he must have been tired. I got comfy in the bed and soon fell asleep. 

~~~~

I woke up in pain, I was having a contraction and it was horrible. It kept getting worse and one of the monitors started beeping loudly. I couldn't understand what the numbers meant but I couldn't really concentrate as the pain started growing worse and worse. It was like a forceful pain in my pelvis and a sharp pain in my abdomen that I couldn't even begin to describe.   
The beeping woke Dan up and he looked at the monitor groggily then he looked scared. He looked at me and saw that I was in pain, he ran out of the room and called for a nurse.   
Two nurses ran in after him and checked to see what was happening. One of them walked over to the phone on the wall and called to get an ultrasound machine immediately. The other nurse got under the covers and checked to see how dilated I was.   
"You're still six centimeters dilated. We're going to get the ultrasound and check the baby alright?"   
"Yes, okay, please hurry." I groaned in pain.   
"Take a deep breath, calm down. I know it hurts, but just try to inhale through your nose, out through your mouth."   
"I can't, I can't concentrate. It hurts!"   
A doctor and two other nurses ran in and the room was full of people, I felt claustrophobic. Everybody was moving so fast, one nurse moved my blanket so the doctor could get to my stomach.   
The pain started to fade and the beeping on the monitor stopped and the heart rate went back to a normal pace.   
The doctor started up the ultrasound machine and started to move the wand around my stomach to get a view.   
Charlotte was head down which was good. But the doctor must have seen something else which worried him. He whispered to the nurses and they nodded and hurried out the room.   
"Ma'am, this is your first child am I correct?"   
"Yes, is there a problem?" I was getting scared and it made me feel nauseous.   
"The unbiblical cord is wrapped around the baby's throat, when you contract it tightens the cord and the baby loses oxygen."   
"What the hell does that mean!?" Dan shouted at the doctor. I grabbed his hand and he looked at me for a split second and back to the doctor.   
"She's not dilated enough to get the baby out now. It's her first child and we can't risk it. We need to do an emergency C-section."   
I shook my head. No, I don't want a c-section, I can't.   
"Please, is there anything else I can do?" I really didn't want to do a c-section, I'd be in the hospital longer and I was just hellbent on not getting one. But as I was asking I started having another contraction and the baby's heart rate started dropping again.   
The doctor ran over to the phone and asked if the room was set up. He nodded and hung up the phone.   
"Sir, I'm sorry, but you won't be able to come in to see."   
Dan sank into the couch and his eyes glazed over. He looked devastated. They started to wheel my bed out and Dan held my hand the whole way down the hall, but his face never changed.   
They pushed me into a big bright room and Dan let go of my hand.   
My heart was beating fast as the doctors hooked me up to IVs and then they put an oxygen mask over my face.   
They told me to count down from ten and then they asked me if I felt anything. I couldn't see what they were doing, a curtain was hung in front of me and then after a few minutes I heard the doctors arguing. Then everything started getting hazy and I fell back asleep.


	3. The Heart Grows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan's Point of View

I couldn't hear or see anything that was going on. I was terrified about what was going on in that room. This isn't how I thought it would be. People say child birth is a magical time and a happy time, but this, this was far from magical and anything but happy.   
I heard running and moved my feet that were outstretched so the nurses could get through. They ran to the door and knocked frantically. They were in scrubs and they had bags of blood hanging from an IV rack. The door cracked open and I could hear someone saying something about someone not breathing and a loss of blood.   
I tried to process all of it and then it finally became clear that they were talking about ___ losing blood and Charlotte not breathing. I couldn't help but break down and cry. I was losing everything that mattered the most to me. My whole world felt like it was crashing down around me. This must be what hell is like, everything you love and cherish being taken away from you. This must be just a hellish nightmare. I'll wake up and everything will be okay.   
But I'm not sleeping and this isn't a nightmare, everything is real. The love of my life is dying in an operating room and my only child from what I know isn't breathing.   
I passed out in the chair outside of the room, I was so tired and my heart was aching, I couldn't take it. I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. 

 

I felt someone shaking my arm. I woke up immediately. My eyes hurt from crying and there was a doctor standing there.   
He was smiling, so there must be some good news.   
"Congratulations sir, you have a beautiful daughter."   
"Where is she? Is she okay?"   
"She is perfectly fine. She's in the neonatal unit. The nurses have her right now."   
"What about my fiancée, where is she?"   
"She's recovering. She lost some blood and she's sleeping right now. But she'll be just fine."   
"So everything is alright?"   
"Yes sir. Your fiancée is in her room and you can go there and we'll bring your baby to you so you can see her if you'd like."   
"Yes please, I want to see her."   
"Alright, I'll have a nurse bring her to the room."   
I walked down to the room and opened the door. I saw ____ laying in bed, she was sleeping, she was hooked up to multiple IVs and tubes and the heart monitor was beeping normally. It upset me seeing her like this. Everything bad that's happened to her I feel has been my fault. If I would have just opened the box myself and let her sit it wouldn't have been a problem.   
But she was okay, and though she had dark circles under her eyes and she looked pale, she also looked peaceful.   
There was a knock at the door and I got up and held it open for the nurse. She wheeled in a bassinet and I drew in a breath before looking down.  
I immediately fell in love all over again, although this love felt different. It was a love that I've never felt before. I felt the sudden urge to protect, I would do anything for this small human being. She was so tiny. Her hands were curled up under her chin. I wanted to immediately pick her up and cradle her.   
"I took her hat off long enough so you could see the beautiful head of hair she has, I see now where she gets it from." The nurse laughed and I-as gently as possible-let my hand glide across her head. She did have a full head of hair, and it was dark brown.   
"May I hold her?" I was asking the nurse if I could hold my child. I was just so nervous. I didn't want to hurt her, I tried to move as carefully as possible. I slid my hands underneath Charlotte, one hand was at the bottom of her back and my other hand was underneath her head. I slowly lifted her out of the bassinet and cradled her against my chest. She was so beautiful. She had her mothers nose, and she had a little dimple on her chin like I have. I checked her thumbs and saw that they were a normal size. I'd have to keep checking them as she grows though. I'm hoping that she doesn't get cursed with large thumbs. I ran my large thumb across her cheek and she sighed. She slowly opened her eyes, just a little bit and peeked up at me. The feeling that enveloped me was a warm feeling, I couldn't describe it using words, I guess it's just one that a person would have to feel for themselves. While Charlotte was inside ____ I couldn't really feel any connection with her. I knew that I loved her, and I knew that she would mean a lot to me, she's my daughter. But being able to hold her, having her here in my arms, it was a jovial feeling, one of peace and serenity. I leaned in and kissed her forehead. She stirred and I put my finger in her hand and she wrapped her tiny fingers around mine.   
I got up and started walking around the room, I rocked her and I sang to her.   
"All my plans, falling through.   
All my plans depend on you,   
Depend on you to help them grow.   
I love you, and that's all I know.   
When the singers gone, let the song go on.   
But the ending always comes too fast.   
Endings always come too fast,   
But they pass too slow.   
I love you and that's all I know."   
Charlotte tightened her grip around my finger, cooed and then let go. I payed her down in her bassinet and put her hat back on and watched over her as she slept. I pulled out my phone and took a picture of her. Well, 'a' picture is an understatement. I took multiple pictures. One for Instagram, and for Facebook, and I sent one to all the grumps and then a couple more to my mother, my father, and my sister and a couple of my friends from back home. I took a few more, just to have and then I turned my phone off and put it in my pocket.   
I heard the bed move and ___ yawn.   
"Dan?" She groaned. I quickly walked over to her and grabbed her hand.   
"Hey darling! How are you feeling?" I was still worried about her, I squeezed her hand to see if she would squeeze it back, but she didn't. She gave me a weak smile and then looked over to the bassinet. Her smile got wider and then she looked back at me.   
"Have you gotten to hold her? I haven't seen her yet. I blacked out during the operation." She dropped her head. I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face up to look at me and I kissed her. She kissed me back, and although she looked weak, her kisses were still passionate. I pulled away and sighed.   
"She's so beautiful ___, breathtaking. I'll bring her over to you."   
I walked over to the bassinet and lifted Charlotte out and carefully carried her over to ____. I handed Charlotte to her and ___ gasped. I saw a tear fall down her cheek and she smiled at Charlotte. She started cooing at her and Charlottes lips turned up at the edges for a split second.   
"She's so, she's perfect. Our baby is perfect Dan. I wonder if she's hungry. I'll call for a nurse. They'll probably want to know that I woke up."   
"I couldn't wait for you to wake up. It seemed like forever. The C-Section took like seven hours, and then they had to get you all fixed up which took like two hours. Then they had to make sure Charlotte was alright and hook you up to all the IV's and machines and that took like three hours. Then they finally asked me if I wanted to see our baby, and I was like 'DUUHHHH'. I was so worried about you baby, I love you so much." She looked up from the baby and she still had tears rolling down her cheeks. I wiped them away one by one and sat down on the edge of the bed. I rested my hand on ___'s leg and she sighed.   
"I'm sorry I worried you. But the only thing that matters is that Charlotte is okay and perfectly healthy, right?" She tried to give me a smile and I shook my head.   
"No, you both matter. You both matter equally to me. You and Charlotte mean the world to me, I was terrified that I would lose one or both you, and I couldn't live with any of that. But you're both alright and that's what matters. Both of you matter to me." I leaned over the baby to kiss her and she kissed me back and then went back to quietly cooing to Charlotte. I sat and watched in awe, everything was so perfect right now. Everything before this seemed like a horrible nightmare, like it never really happened, and my mind had just made it up in some silly little dream late at night. I had my gorgeous fiancée sitting in front of me holding my first child, my beautiful daughter who is a perfect combination of both me and ____, the start of my wonderful family, a family of my own. I'd do anything for them. They were now the center of my tiny universe. They were like the sun, and I was gravitationally pulled into their orbit, and if anything happened to either of them, it would be as if the sun went out, and my whole world would slowly freeze over and it would kill me. They were the reason I'm here, after 37 long years, I finally know my reason, and it sitting right in front of me.


	4. Mommy in Training

I couldn't stop looking at Charlotte. She was true perfection. I waited nine long months for this moment. I was devastated that I had passed out during the C-Section. Neither Dan or I were there when she came out, although I was quite sure Dan would have passed out or threw up when he saw the doctors cutting me open. He couldn't handle things like that, which I totally understood. I probably would have thrown up if I seen what was going on. As I thought about the procedure my lower abdomen, right above my bikini line started to sting. It wasn't bad, you know, just a slight pinching all the way across. I'm sure it would have felt worse if I wasn't hooked up to this IV.   
I looked up to Dan. He was looking at me and smiling.   
"You're cute when you get lost in your thoughts, may I ask what you're thinking about though? I would love to know what's going through that beautiful little head of yours." He smiled and rubbed my leg, I don't think he realized he was doing it though, he just did it every now and then. It was comforting.   
"I was just thinking about everything really. I'm pretty sad that none of us were able to see her come out. But I'm so glad she's okay. I was so-" a knock at the door interrupted what I was saying and then a nurse peeked around the door.   
"Oh you're awake! Finally!" She walked over to me, she was holding a clipboard and a pen. "Sorry to sort of throw this on you now, but it's mandatory. And I'll have to check back in on you often, just to see how you're doing."   
"That's alright, what are these papers?" I handed Charlotte over to Dan and picked up the clipboard to look over the papers.   
Dan walked Charlotte over to the little bassinet and laid her in, kissed her head and walked over to the couch beside my bed.   
"We just need your signature, your husbands signature, both of your names printed underneath your signatures and the baby's name, for the birth certificate. We have to finalize it. We also need a name to put on her crib card." She gestured over to Charlottes bassinet and I hadn't noticed the small slip of pink paper that was slipped into a little slot on the front of the bassinet. I finished signing my signature and passed the clipboard over to Dan. He quickly scribbled on the paper then handed it back to me so I could write Charlottes full name on the top.   
"Ahh, Charlotte, a beautiful name. Give me a second and I'll bring back a sharpie so you can write it on the crib card." I nodded and the nurse slipped out quickly to retrieve a sharpie and then came back. I looked over at Dan and saw that he was watching the nurse. He didn't seem interested in what she was doing, his expression was neutral.   
The nurse quietly pulled the crib card out of the slot on the side of the bassinet and handed it to me. I placed it on the clipboard and looked at all the information that was already on it. I read it all out to Dan who became more interested.   
"She weighed six pounds and five ounces. She's 20.31 inches long. She was born at 4:31 am." He smiled as I read this all off, almost as if knowing all this was as important to him as it was to me. We wanted to know everything about her. The nurse patiently waited for me to read it to Dan, she didn't look agitated, she just smiled and nodded as I read through everything.   
"Now, just write her full name here, and I'll put it back in the crib, then I'll be back to talk about you." She continued smiling, I wondered if her face hurt. When I smile for long periods of time my cheeks start to cramp up and it's really uncomfortable. I wondered what she meant when she said she'd come back to talk about me? I wasn't worried, just curious. I carefully wrote out Charlotte Lee Avidan on the very top line. It was the longest line, right above the date of birth which read April 8th. I was 2 weeks and 2 days away from my due date.   
I gave the clipboard back to the nurse and she put the card back into the slot on the front of the crib and then walked out of the room. I looked over at Dan, he was on his phone. He looked up from his phone at me and smiled. He clicked his phone off and put it in the front pocket of his jacket.   
"You don't have to stay cramped up in this room with me." I gave him a slight smile and he sighed. He leaned his head back and ran his hand through his hair.   
"Dan, really. I'll be here when you get back." He chuckled a little bit. I knew he didn't like being cramped up anymore than I did. The difference was that I was stuck here, I didn't know how long yet, but I had to stay here. Dan didn't, he could leave when he wanted. He could take a walk, stretch his legs.   
"I know you'll be here babe. It's not that I don't want to be here, I just need to get some fresh air is all." I completely understand. I wish I could go out and get some fresh air. Sadly I was hooked up to a catheter and that was pretty much the main problem. It was uncomfortable. Painful really, it burned like a bitch.   
I thought of a reason so that Dan had a reason to go out and get fresh air and not feel bad about it. I remembered that my suitcase was still at the apartment and the car seat was still at the Grump Space.   
"Can you go out and pick me up some things that I need?" I smiled at him and he mirrored the smile back.   
"What do you need, love? Are you hungry? I could go down to the-" I stopped him and he bit his lip. I giggled at this, and he chuckled along with me. We were trying to stay quiet so as to not wake Charlotte.   
"I'm not hungry, plus I can't eat yet. Just ice and water, which is pretty much the same thing. Ugh. But, I really need my suitcase. It has all of her clothes in it, and all of my clothes. Also, we're going to need the car seat for when we finally leave." He nodded as I talked, well, it wasn't really a nodding, it was more of a head bob. It kind of reminded me of Quagmire from family guy when he giggityed except much slower.   
"Are you going to be alright that long?" He looked worried. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him to try and reassure him.   
"Dan, I'm in a hospital, I'll be fine. Also, my phone. It's in my purse, I left it at the Grump Space."   
"Alright darling." He said as he got up and stretched. He walked over to my bedside and kissed me. I grabbed his face in both of my hands. It lasted longer than I expected, but I didn't really mind. He pulled away, but his face was still close to mine and he sighed. "Gosh, I love you. I won't be long. Don't miss me too much." He bopped my nose and then walked over to Charlotte and kissed her lightly before quietly walking out and closing the door behind him.   
The room felt empty without him here. I decided to turn on the tv and flip through the channels. The remote was connected to my bed, it was weird. I made sure to not accidentally click the 'Emergency' button while adjusting the volume.   
There were no good channels, I had the options of either watching one of the five news stations or the weather. I chose the latter and watched as the meteorologist talked about the five day forecast.   
I heard a knocking at the door and I told whoever it was to come in. It was the nurse and she looked around the room. She was most likely looking for Dan so I told her where he went.   
"He had to go get my suitcase and stuff. He'll be back soon." She nodded and pulled over a chair next to my bed.   
"How are you feeling? Are there any pains in operation area?"   
"Well, no, not anything to major at least. Just a little pulling feeling."   
"That's normal. It's the stitches, I'll come back in to check on those often to make sure they're healing properly." I nodded and she jotted something down on a piece of paper.   
"So, how is Charlotte? Did she eat already? I'm new to this, I don't really..." I trailed off and she smiled while nodding.   
"I completely understand. We fed her in the nursery, we were waiting for you to wake up so we can show you and your boyfriend how to feed her and burp her. But since he's not here at the moment, I'll just show you and you can pass on the information. But first, a few more questions. Do you plan on breastfeeding?" She had her own ready to write my answer down. I thought about it, I knew that breastfeeding created a bond between a mother and child, but my breasts were already so sore that I couldn't think of having them being sucked at.   
"No, I don't think I'm going to." She nodded and wrote it down on the paper. Plus, if I wanted to breastfeed I'll just start doing it at home.   
"So, you don't want to breastfeed. I'll just let you know that your breasts are going to be sore for a while, ever if you don't breastfeed. They'll probably continue producing milk for the next couple months and then they'll stop producing milk when your body realizes it doesn't need it. So the next question is sort of a request. Do you think you'll be able to stand up?" She rolled back a little bit, and I hadn't really thought that I would be able to get up to move so soon, let alone be asked to do it by a nurse. I hadn't looked anything up about C-Sections due to the main fact that I was so sure I wasn't going to get one. I wiggled my toes a little bit and then bent my knees. Left leg first, then the right. I felt like I was taking to long and clenched my teeth. "Sorry..." I said. The nurse patted my hand.   
"That's alright, take your time. There's no rush, we just want you to walk so you don't get any blood clots in or around the operation area. But don't try to rush getting up, we also don't want to you tear or pull at the stitches." She gave me a reassuring smile and I sighed and nodded.   
I took a deep breath and sat up slowly. I turned my body carefully so that both my legs were dangling off the side of the bed. My moves were robotic, I was so scared after her saying that I could tear the stitches if I rushed. I didn't want to make any sudden movements. I grabbed the handle bar on the side of the bed and stood up.   
My legs felt like noodles. My knees were wobbly and the nurse stood up from her chair and offered out her hand which I willingly took. I'd need some sort of support and I was glad she was there to give it.   
"Alright alright. Good, how do you feel?" She had placed the clipboard down, but I knew she'd write my answer down as soon as I was back in bed.   
"Pretty good I guess. My legs though, they must have fallen asleep." The nurse laughed.   
"Yeah, you're going to have to walk around a lot. Just have to make sure your blood isn't building up around that c-section, and walking around is the best way to keep it running through your whole body. Now, let's walk over to your daughter. Then you'll carry her back to your bed and I'll get a bottle so you can feed her. How's that sound?" It sounded great. Just walk over to Charlotte and get her, this'll be easy, and it was. It's not like I had forgotten how to walk. It just felt a little uncomfortable. There was tugging and pulling sensation in my abdomen with each step, but it was nothing I couldn't deal with for the sake of my daughter.   
I got over to Charlotte and the nurse finally let go of my hand. I was oblivious to the fact that she was practically walking me over to the bassinet. I slid my hands underneath Charlotte and she started stirring, then she started crying. It pulled her up quickly but carefully and cradled her against my chest. She whimpered, then it faded into a coo. I grabbed the weird looking greenish blue pacifier out of the bassinet and walked back over to my bed.   
The nurse was watching my every move. She sort of felt like a coach, and most of the time I would have felt awkward with someone watching my every move, I knew that her reason was all for mine and Charlottes safety.   
I held Charlotte in one arm and held her tight while I carefully pulled myself up in the bed.   
The nurse was writing on the piece of paper as I got situated in the bed. She placed the clipboard on the table again and got up. She left the room and came back in less than 10 seconds later. She had retrieved a small clear bottle. The cap was white and it had a metal piece inside that popped when you opened it. In her other hand was a bottle nipple wrapped in plastic.   
She shook the bottle and handed it to me, then handed me the bottle nipple. I removed the cap from the bottle first and the popping of the metal piece inside the cap startled Charlotte. She was wimping and I rocked her to calm her down while trying to open the nipple packaging. I had to say, I was doing pretty good, I didn't need the nurse to help me, and she watched me intently. When I finally got done putting the nipple cap on the bottle I looked at the nurse. She had grabbed her chair and pulled it close to my bed.   
"Alright, so now to feed her, you need to have her sort of sitting up. If she's laying too far back she could get a gas bubble and that's really painful for her. So just make sure she's sitting at an angle, but not a 90° angle either, cause then she might start choking and we don't want that either."   
I adjusted my arm so that Charlotte was laying at an angle, and holy shit, I know how to feed a baby. My friends from back home have had kids and I fed theirs, these 'special instructions' just dragged on and on, but I couldn't be rude and cut her off. She was only doing her job.   
"So next, you have to monitor the amount of ounces she drinks, that bottle is a four ounce bottle, so after each ounce I would recommend burping her so that she doesn't have gas build up. So just sit her up at a 90° angle and gently pay her back and rub it until she burps."   
I nodded to show the nurse that I understood, and she clapped her hands together once.   
"Alrighty then, I guess we're done here. If you need anything just hit the nurse button on your remote. And if you maybe need a nap we'll take her to the nursery so you can get a break. It's nothing to feel bad about, a lot of women do it. So, I'll leave you to feed your baby. Oh, also, before I go, she should be fed every three hours. Next time I come in I'll bring some bottles." She gave me a nod and walked out the door.   
I shook the bottle a little bit more and then rubbed the nipple across her mouth a little bit to get her to open her mouth and then I put it in and she latched her mouth around it and started drinking. It was nice, to have this time alone with Charlotte. I have to rewrap her in her blanket, my little Houdini got her hands free and I don't want her to scratch at her face.   
When she was done drinking the first ounce I sat her up to burp and it was so cute, she let out a little belch and cooed. I cherished her, everything she did was just the most adorable thing I've ever seen.   
She started grunting and I felt her diaper get warm through the blanket. She stopped grunting and did a slight smile.


	5. Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dans Point of View

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter, I just wanted it to be descriptive, so that's why it took so long to update. 
> 
> Also, omg fangirling. Dan said my name during a live stream and I'm still fangirling about it.

Leaving the hospital was hard, I didn't want to be away from ___ or Charlotte. I know ___ would like the alone time with the baby though, so I left. She did need her suitcase and everything, and I know the rest of the Grumps would like to talk about how the delivery went and how ___ and the baby are doing.   
I got in the car and sat there for a few minutes. I was so tired, maybe when I stop by the apartment I can take a little catnap. Nothing too long, I don't want to keep ___ waiting for my return. I want to pick up some flowers and a couple balloons for her too.   
I put the key in the ignition and plugged my phone in to the aux cord, I had to turn some music to keep me awake. I scrolled for a while, I have too many playlists. Rush would be good though, nobody falls asleep listening to Rush.   
Tom Sawyer started playing through the speakers and the familiar instrumental in the beginning made me happy. I couldn't help myself as I began to belt out the lyrics, and just like people believe everyone should know the lyrics to Queens Bohemian Rhapsody or the Killers Mr. Brightside, I think everyone should at least know some parts of Tom Sawyer, if not all of the song.   
It was a nice California afternoon. My window was rolled down and the breeze that came through the window when I would stop at a red light would soon pick up to hurricane type winds that whipped my hair around my face when I started driving again. I'll have to make a reminder to steal one of ___'s ponytail rings and keep it in my car so I can enjoy a car ride with my windows down without my jewfro obstructing my view.

I pulled up to a stop light and there were people walking down the sidewalk on both sides of the street. There was a car next to me, his windows were down as well. He was in a business suit, and it looked like he was talking to somebody on a Bluetooth.   
The song was coming to an end, but there was one more verse left and I practically screamed it out,   
"Exit the warrior  
Today's Tom Sawyer  
He gets high on you  
And the energy you trade  
He gets right on to the friction of the day!"  
I started to play air guitar along with the ending of the song. The man in the business suit had practically turned his whole body to look at me. He looked pretty pissed off, but I was having a good time. I might just say that I'm the happiest man in the world right now.   
I have a beautiful fiancée who has given me the fine opportunity of being the father to a gorgeous baby girl. I have my favorite band is playing through the speakers right now on this glorious California evening. Everything is perfect, and that stupid business suit wearing man isn't going to ruin my day. 

The light turned green and business guy sped off down the street. I could care less though, I was on a mission.   
The playlist continued on and Subdivisions was next. I tapped the steering wheel along to the drum. The song got quiet and I looked over at my phone and saw that a weird number was calling. I hesitantly answered and heard ___'s voice on the other end. I sighed and couldn't help but smile as I heard her talk about everything that's happened while I was gone.   
I could listen to her talk for hours on end. Her voice was like a sweet sweet symphony. When she talks casually it's like a beautiful song, and it's as if she's conducting her own beautiful melody. She always thinks that I'm not listening, she's sadly mistaken. I could never stop listening to her, even if she's angry, I could listen to her talk for days, which is why I absolutely dread if she ever gives me the silent treatment again. I absolutely adore when she gets excited about something, like right now, talking about Charlotte. Her voice goes up an octave and fluctuates between multiple high notes and that just might be my favorite thing in the world.   
"Dan, are you listening?" She stopped and waited for me to answer. Oh shit, I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying.   
"Uhmmm... Yeah, of course I'm listening." The line was quiet for a second, and I could faintly hear the five day forecast in the background.   
"What did I say then?" She asked, she was being serious. Fuck shit fuck, maybe if I laugh she'll start laughing and tell me again.   
"Are you laughing about the part where Charlotte poopeed on me?" Oh my god Charlotte shit on ___. I started laughing harder, I was practically wheezing. I couldn't wait to tell the Grumps about this when I went to get the car seat. They're going to love it!   
"Yeah, keep laughing! I hope she does it to you, you'll know how it feels!" She was laughing as she said this.   
"How did it happen though?" I was still laughing but I wanted to know so bad. I think Arin would get a kick out of this.   
"Well, I felt her diaper warm up through the blanket, so I called a nurse in for some diapers. While I was waiting for the diapers I fed her another ounce and while I was burping her she farted, oh my gosh Dan, when she farts she does this goofy little cute smile like you do. But, anyway, the nurse brought in a couple diapers and some wipes and she stuck around while I changed Charlottes diaper. When I pulled off the diaper I was like 'yay!' cause she only peed, and then she started grunting again and she like, she projectile poopeed all over my chest and oh my gosh it smelt horrible! I almost threw up!" I had already lost it when she said 'projectile poopeed', oh yes, Arin is going to love the fuck out of this story. I'll have to tell all of the lovelies about it too, they'll crack up as much as I did, I know it.   
"So what did the nurse do?"   
"She wasn't phased by it, I guess she sees it a lot. But, I finished changing Charlottes diaper and the nurse called in another nurse to wheel Charlotte to the nursery and then she walked me to the bathroom so I could get washed up. I had to get a whole new gown and everything. Tomorrow I should be able to take a shower and that should be better." She sighed, and yawned. She should be taking advantage of the fact that Charlotte is in the nursery right now.   
"I wish I was there to see that happen, I should have stayed a little bit longer. You should get some sleep though, you need rest. I'll be back up there soon, I love you so much baby." I could almost here her smile through the phone, but maybe her voice just gave it away. It was the same octave as when she talked about Charlotte.   
"I love you too. I should probably get some sleep. I'll see you when you get back." She made a little kissy sound and the phone went silent.   
The kissy sound was the cheesiest, lamest, most adorable, lovable thing. She did it at the end of every phone call and if she forgets to do it, I'll do it first just to remind her and she'll quickly do it back.  
I pulled into a parking spot outside of the apartment and looked at the clock on the dashboard. It had taken me an hour to get here, I had left around 4:30 and it was now 5:45. Rush hour was a bitch, so I decided that while ___ was sleeping, I'll get some sleep as well, rush hour will pass, then I'll stop by the Grump Space to get the car seat and ____'s purse.   
As I walked up the stairs to the apartment, I couldn't help but pause and think about how weird it was. I've barely been here at all in the past month. Well, since March, the day after St Patrick's Day.   
I shuttered as I thought about it. Taking a deep breath I put the key in the lock and turned it and pushed the door open. The house was as we had left it before the party last night. The blanket was still draped across the couch as it was when ___ and I had woken up from our nap yesterday evening.   
Damn, it's only been a day since ____'s been in the hospital. It seems like forever since I've been here.   
I walked through the apartment, I ran my hand across the couch and the table, I felt like I was in a weird dream or something. I got to the little corridor, on the left was mine and ___'s room. The bathroom was in the center door and the right was Charlottes room. In just a short amount of time she'll be in there.   
I walked into her room and made sure everything was straightened up and everything was ready for her arrival. I tested the baby monitor and made sure the crib was comfortable.   
I made my way to my room and checked the bassinet, she'll be in our room for a couple months, and I wanted everything to be perfect. Not only for her, but for ___.   
I made the bed and sprawled across it. I forgot how comfortable it was, I could sleep for weeks, maybe even months. But I can't sleep too long, I've gotta make it up to the hospital, and I still have to pick up the car seat.   
I set my alarm to go off in an hour, long enough for me to be sort of well rested. 

 

~~~

 

The alarm went off and I rolled over to turn it off.   
It felt like I had only fallen asleep five minutes ago, but I had shit to do and I had two precious girls to get back to.   
The thought of them waiting on me made me holy out of bed quickly.   
I was on a fucking mission and nothing's gonna stop me from getting this shit done.   
I grabbed ____'s suitcase from next to the door and ran down the stairs to put it in the car. Also forgot to lock the door so I had to run back up the stairs and lock the door, fuck stairs man. Had to lug the suitcase back down the stairs, I don't know what the hell she packed in this fucking bag, but whatever. I'm still on a mission.   
I put it carefully into the back seat, got in and started up the car. I should probably call Arin and tell him I'm heading over, he'll be happy to hear that. I bet everyone has questions, and I'd be happy to answer them all. I want to tell everyone!   
I dialed Arins number and it rang a couple times before he picked up.   
"Sup buddy! How's ___ doing? Everyone here wants to know."   
"She's doing great, I'm coming over to get the car seat and she left some things there. Her purse and stuff?" Arin called out to Suzy and asked her if she still had the purse and Suzy's answer was too quiet to hear.   
"Yeah, it's here. Can't wait to see you man, when can we tell the fans!?" I chuckled a little bit. I haven't really though about telling them, plus I have to get ___'s permission on it as well. It's as much her say as it is mine. I don't really want to tell the fans too much about Charlotte. The pictures that I posted on Instagram and Facebook weren't too much, and most of the fans check on that, and I didn't give too much information. Just told them that the official Baby Not-So-Grump is here now. I haven't checked to see the comments or how many likes it has.   
"I'll have to ask ___ about that. But I'm heading over now, so we can talk about it when I get there. I'll see you all soon!" I ended the call and started driving. The traffic has weened a little bit, so I was super hyped that I would get to the Grump Space quickly and be able to get back to the hospital in an hour or two.   
I didn't bother to turn on my music, it didn't take too long to get to the Grump Space from the apartment. But hey, of course there would be an accident a fucking block from the Grump Space. Fuck me right. Just trying to get back to my lady and my baby and life's like "nope. Here's some shit for ya!"   
Luckily I had room behind me, so I backed up a little and took one of the back roads to get around the accident and made it to the Grump Space quickly. Nothing's stopping me today.   
I parked quickly and ran up the stairs to the door. I didn't bother knocking and when I walked in everyone's heads shot up to look at me.   
"DAN!" Everyone shouted in unison. Everyone greeted me with warm hugs, it felt like my welcome home party all over again. The fact that the decorations were still hanging added to that feeling.   
"Hey guys, how's everything going without me? Pretty shitty huh?" Everyone laughed and I could hear Arin's boisterous laugh through them all, it was coming closer.   
"Just a bunch of Steam Train and GrumpCade episodes. The fans pretty much knew that ____ would have the baby soon, so most of them were cool with the pause in Game Grumps." Arin patted my back and it immediately dawned on me, he said that most of them were cool with it. That leaves a couple other fans who weren't cool with it. I'll have to check it later.   
"So how are ___ and Charlotte? How was the delivery? Did you get to cut the cord?" Suzy was asking, they all were full of questions. They all wanted to know everything about how it went.   
"Well, ___ and Charlotte are great. Charlottes in the nursery right now so ___ can get some sleep. The delivery was pretty Uhm, well not pretty. I didn't get to see it." I looked around at everyone and they all looked bummed, which was how I felt about the whole delivery situation. I wanted to cut the cord, it would have been an honor, you know... But nope. Maybe next time, which won't be for a while though.   
"Aww, I'm so sorry Dan. What happened?" Suzy put her hand on my shoulder as a kind gesture. I went through everything, and what happened leading up to the C-Section.   
"Oh shit man, that fucking sucks. But hey, they're both okay, right?" Arin was in the kitchen area so he had to shout it across the room. He was rummaging through the fridge. He peaked his head up over the door and I nodded yes to him.   
Barry came from out of no where, he turned the corner and saw me. He awkwardly looked down at his feet, and although what he did was fucked up, I can't stay mad, even though I could have died, I didn't. I still was able to be there for ___ in the hospital. I just wasn't able to see the last couple days of her pregnancy.   
"Hey Barry! Did you see the picture of Charlotte? She's so cute!" Suzy waved for him to come over to join the conversation.   
"Yeah, I seen it. Kevin showed me. She's a cutie. Congratulations Dan." He didn't come over, he turned away to go back to his computer. Shits gonna be pretty awkward for a while.   
"Oh boy, Daddy Sexbang." Ross laughed and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.   
"Is she going to be called Baby Sexbang?" Ross asked and laughed again.   
"Uhm, no." Simple as that. For started Baby Sexbang sounded weird anyway, and two, my daughter would not have that nickname. It's pretty derogatory, and she's only a day old.   
"Kevin, you better get on Reddit and tell everyone it's not Baby Sexbang, it's Baby Not-So-Grump!" Ross shouted to Kevin who was at his computer. Kevin put his thumb up and I could hear the speedy typing.   
Oh god, people were already calling her that, I'm so glad ___ doesn't have her phone right now. I don't know if she'd check up on that, but I don't think she'd be pleased that people are calling her baby that. I sure as hell am not.   
"Well, it's been fun seeing you all, but I gotta get back up to the hospital." They all nodded and Arin helped me carry the car seat out.   
"You know how to set this thing up?" He patted the box as he shoved it into the trunk. He was laughing and although I was laughing with him, I haven't got a clue on how to put one of those things in a car. I shook my head no and he laughed louder.   
"Good luck bud!" He ran back in and I sighed as I climbed back into the car. 

I had a mental checklist of things I had to do. Next on my list was to get some flowers and some balloons for ___, and a card. Yeah, a card would be nice. She loves that type of stuff.   
I had to go to Party City for the balloon, Hallmark for the card, and the gift shop at the hospital should have flowers.   
The Hallmark was the first store and I went straight to the card isle.   
Now lemme tell you, this isn't no typical card isle. There is a ridiculous amount of cards , and I'm not a real card guy. Whenever it's someone's birthday I pick one of the most straight forward cards and then scribble "From Dan" inside and slip some money in and then send it off.   
But this was important, I wanted a meaningful card. So I looked through all of the cards in the "New Baby" category.   
None of these cards worked, I was getting pretty agitated. I wandered around the store for a while and came across a bunch of boxes on a shelf. All the boxes said "Willow Tree" on them. They were all plain white boxes and I wondered what was inside them. I looked inside one of the boxes and saw a little figurine. It looked like it was carved and I pulled it out of the box and it was just a cute little wooden figure of an angel.   
I wonder if there's a figure for baby's and stuff. I walked over to one of the workers. She smiled up at me, she looked liked she was in high school still. I remember when I was in high school. Never mind, that's a story for another day.   
"Hello sir, are you looking for anything in particular today?"   
"Uhm, there's a section over there for Willow Tree stuff I think it's called that. But I was wondering if they make a figure for a new baby?"   
"Oh yeah, those are really nice. I'll show you some of the stuff they have!" Woah man, she was peppy! She walked over to the computer and I leaned over the counter to see what she was looking at.   
She had pulled up a page of a bunch of figurines and one immediately popped out at me. I pointed at it and she nodded.   
"That's the We are Three figurine. Is that the one you want?" I nodded quickly and she walked over to the shelf that had all the boxes on them. She lifted all the boxes and read the bottom and nodded to herself.   
"This is the one! Will this be all?" I nodded again and she smiled and walked back up to the counter.   
"Do you want it wrapped?"   
"What?" I can get it wrapped... Heck yeah I want it wrapped. Wasn't even thinking about that. That would be nice though. I nodded and she pulled out a couple rolls of wrapping paper.   
"What color?" There was a pink roll with little pastel flowers all over it and it reminded me immediately of Charlottes bedroom. I pointed to it and she started going to town on the little box. She wrapped pretty quickly, I'll tell you, this kid has skills. She's going somewhere.   
She handed the box to me and told me the subtotal, which was ridiculous. $55.89 for this, but whatever. I've got more things to do.   
She waved goodbye and I walked out quickly. Party City was right next door to Hallmark, which was great. Didn't have to drive anymore.  
I walked in and walked straight for the balloon counter. I spotted the balloons I wanted quickly. It was a pink onesie balloon that had "It's a Baby Girl" printed across it. I pointed to it and the guy behind the counter told me it came in a bundle. I could get the onesie balloon, two circle balloons that said the same thing and a couple heart balloons.   
"Yeah, give me all that." I nodded and handed him my credit card. I could care less about the total now, I just need to get this stuff. I want to surprise the hell out of ____. I can't wait to see her face!   
The guy started filling the balloons with helium and I realized that there was a lot of balloons and I couldn't possible put these all in the car without getting pulled over for not being able to see out of my windows. I'll just have to weigh them down, it's fine. It'll be alright. I just hope one of them doesn't get lose, that would suck ass.   
He tied the balloons together with a pink ribbon, super cool guy, I didn't ask for that, but he did it anyway. Props to that dude. I grabbed the balloon bouquet and held them tightly, I had a firm grasp on them damn strings, none of them are flying away.   
I shoved them into the car and had to hold them down so I could still see out of the rearview mirror, held them down with ____'s suitcase. I'm a fucking genius! 

I decided to listen to my music now, it was going to be a 30 minute to an hour drive to the hospital and the sun was setting behind the buildings in the distance. It was a nice view, ___ would have loved it. She loved sunsets and all that cute stuff. I was thinking that maybe for our wedding we could have it on the beach, while the sun was setting. That won't be happening for a while though, we still have time to think about it. But she'll probably love that idea when I propose it to her. 

Men at Work was playing, the chorus of "Down Under" snapped me away from my daydreaming. It's 7:37 right now, it's still going to take 25 more minutes to get to the hospital, and I still have to pick out flowers for ___. I should probably call her and tell her I'm on my way back up.   
I got to a red light and paused my music and hit redial for the last number that called. It rang a few times, and I got a little bit worried, well, that's a lie. I got really worried. Why was she taking so long to- oh wait no, here she is!   
"Hey? Who's this?" She sounded confused, I remembered that the phone in her room was a typical landline and had no caller ID.   
"It's Dan, hey babe, how are you doing?"   
"Oh, hey! Hey, I miss you, are you coming back soon? I have Charlotte right now, the nurse had me walk around a little bit." I really can't wait to get back and see her, I miss her so much. The traffic wasn't so bad, but I seemed to catch every red light. It was making me anxious.   
"I miss you too, how's Charlotte? How are you feeling? Does it hurt to walk?" I hope it didn't hurt for her to walk, I don't want her to be in pain.   
"Charlottes great, she's due for another bottle in like, 45 minutes. You should be here by then, right? And I'm great, it hurts a little bit to walk. Not as bad as I thought it would, but it hurts. Thankfully Charlotte hasn't pooped on me again. Maybe she'll get you this time." She giggled, and I laughed along with her. I had completely forgotten to tell Arin and everyone how Charlotte had projectile pooped on ___, dammit. I'll just tell them while ____ is around so that we all can laugh about it.   
"I'll be there shortly, dear. I can't wait to see both of you. I'm having separation anxiety or something. I can't stand being away from you this long." She sighed, it was a sweet sound. It made me want to be there just as fast, to hold her in my arms and never let go.   
"Hey Dan, one of the nurses are coming in to check on me, again. So, I have to go now. I love you, I'll see you soon." She made the kissy sound and hung up.   
The nurses would be coming and going often, they had to constantly check up on ____'s stitches to make sure they were alright, they had to check her catheter to make sure it wasn't full, it was a lot for ___ to deal with, and I felt bad for her. We weren't going to be able to be alone with Charlotte and actually enjoy time together as a family until they were discharged from the hospital. It was something I looked forward to. 

The sun had fully set and the ride to the hospital was taking longer than expected. I was tired, today had been a long day. But the thought of being able to see ___ kept me awake. I at least had to stay awake long enough to give her the balloons and the present. I hope the gift shop is still open when I get there, I really want to get her some flowers. If it's not, I'll just get them tomorrow morning before she wakes up.   
I had finally made it to the hospital, well the street that led up to the hospital. I have to make a left turn to get onto the premises of the hospital and nobody will stop long enough to let me get through. It's just a never ended line of cars with their high beams on, blinding me, like a bunch of flash bulbs and whenever I blink I can still see the light flashing behind my eyelids.   
There was an opening between two cars and I had about 20 seconds to get through before the next line of cars started coming by. So I floored it, and made it onto the winding road leading up to the parking area as a chorus of honking came from behind me. 

I found a parking spot close to the entrance which was pretty rad if I may say so myself.   
I decided to keep the car seat in the trunk, I wouldn't need it for a couple of days anyway. I tied the balloons around the handle of ____'s suitcase and wheeled it into the lobby.   
I probably looked like an idiot, bringing in balloons, a suitcase, a hallmark gift bag and carrying a purse at 8:00 at night. But I still had one more thing to get, and if the gift shop is closed its going to completely ruin my mission and I'm going to feel like a failure.   
I practically ran over to the gift shop, there was one other person in the shop and I let out a sigh of relief.   
I walked in casually, I left the suitcase and balloons outside, I still wanted to carry the hallmark bag and the purse though, I didn't want anyone to steal it. I don't think anyone would steal a suitcase and balloons though, that would be too noticeable, which is why I felt alright with leaving that outside of the gift shop.   
I was looking around the flowers, and I saw a bouquet of pink and white Dahlias and Lily's. It was beautiful, and I hope ___ would like it.   
The workers wrapped it in a clear crinkly paper and handed it off to me. The flowers were $60 dollars, which was asinine, cause they're probably going to die anyway. But, my missions complete and I can't wait to see her face! I have to get my phone ready for this. 

I had to go through security before I was even able to walk down the hallway that led to ___'s room. Safety purposes, it was cool. They offered to help me carry some stuff, I politely declined as it would make me seem like less of a man if I had to have security carry anything in with me.   
I walked down the long hallway and lightly knocked on the door.   
"Come in." She sounded tired, and she probably thought that I was just another nurse checking in on her one last time before she fell asleep.   
I got my phone ready and switched it to video and walked in. Her face lit up like the Fourth of July when she saw me. Then I pulled the suitcase in, the balloons were quite loud as they bounced off each other and the door. She giggled and wiped tears from her cheeks. She was still smiling though, so they must be happy tears.   
"Oh my gosh, Dan! I love them!" She was sniffling and I walked over to her bedside and handed her the hallmark bag. She looked up at me, confused, she had a look of wonder, but also excitement like a child on Christmas morning. I wouldn't know what that's like, but people say that to describe a person who looks excited.   
She pulled out the box and ran her fingers across the gift wrap.   
"It's so pretty, I don't want to rip it. Also, props to the person who wrapped this, it looks wonderful."   
"Hey, how do you know I didn't wrap it?"   
"Dan, I'm your fiancée, we've been together eight months, I know that you can't wrap presents, it's not your forte." She smiled and patted my shoulder. Then she started easily peeling the tape off, like she wanted to save the wrapping paper. I guess it was just going to be something that she saved and held onto.   
She finally got the wrapping paper off, she didn't rip it, not at all. She had carefully peeled each piece of tape up and then folded it around so the sticky part would be stuck to the inside.   
She looked at the box and nudged me.   
"What is it?" I took the box from her hands and opened it up and showed her the little wooden figure that was inside.   
I stopped recording her reaction, I wanted to share this moment with her.   
She looked up at me and I caught the tear that had welled up and finally fell over.   
"I love it. You're so great, God, I love you so much." She was stuttering over her words, and I pulled her close to me.   
"I love you too, I'm glad you love it. I have one more thing for you." She wiped the tears from her eyes and watched me as I got up to get the flowers that I had placed on the counter next to the door.   
I brought them back to her and placed them on her lap.   
"You didn't have to... Wow, they're beautiful."   
"I got the prettiest flowers for the prettiest woman I've ever laid my eyes upon." That shit was so cheesy, holy shit. But as I looked at her, I realized that it might have been cheesy as all hell to me, but it was sweet to her.   
Her eyes were glossy and her smile was wide. She moved her legs over to the side of the bed and dangled them over.  
"What are you doing babe?" I didn't want her to hurt herself.   
She held onto the railing on the side of the bed and pulled herself up so that she was standing. I immediately wrapped my arms around her as gently as I could. I didn't want to let go of her. She looked up at me and made the same kissy sounds that she made on the phone, except this time it meant she wanted kisses. It was adorable. She puckered her mouth up like a fish and I leaned down to kiss her.   
She pulled away and looked at me. She didn't say anything though, she had the most beautiful smile, and the prettiest (your eye color) eyes. I want to wake up every morning and see those eyes and see that smile, I want them to be the first things I see when I wake up in the morning and the last things I see before I fall asleep.   
"Where's Charlotte?" I looked around the room and didn't see her crib. I was so lost in the moment and I was finally realizing that she wasn't here.   
"Well, you missed feeding time, it's alright though, you'll get to feed her in the morning. But, I fed her and changed her and the nurses took her back to the nursery. They didn't know when you'd be back, and they didn't want me getting up without someone around to help, so they decided to keep her in the nursery tonight." I helped ___ get back into bed, but I was really upset about not being able to feed Charlotte, I missed feeding time. I bit my lip and ___ reached out to poke my face.   
"Hey, it's not like they took her forever, she'll be back in the morning. Plus, tonight's our last night of good sleep. You can sleep in my bed with me." I liked the idea of not having to sleep on the couch, that thing was uncomfortable. I scooted in next to ____ and she shifted the blankets so that I could have some, although I already know that by morning she'll have taken them all, she does it all the time at home. But I could care less about that. It was nice to just be able to cuddle up next to her and fall asleep with her.


	6. Coming Home

The next four days passed by quickly, well for me at least. I was kept occupied with the constant check-ins from nurses, and by the second day I was able to walk around by myself without a nurse beside me. Charlotte was able to stay in my room at night after that, it was like a tiny reward. Me getting to be independent had incentive, and that was being able to go home with Dan and Charlotte and be a family together in the privacy of our own house. 

On the third day the nurse tried to get me to use the bathroom, the catheter was becoming more and more agitating with each passing day, so the fact that I was going to be able to try and go to the bathroom by myself was a huge relief. Well, it wasn't fully by myself. A nurse was in the bathroom with me, watching to make sure I didn't hurt myself. She wanted to see if I could pee or poop yet, and I could, well, I could pee, but I couldn't poop yet. It was embarrassing, and my nervousness turned to sarcasm when I asked the nurse if she would get the toilet paper for me, but she didn't hear the sarcasm and she ended up handing me the roll which was more embarrassing. I was glad that Dan was busy feeding Charlotte at this time, because I'm sure that if he wasn't he'd have been standing next to the door listening, and he probably would have laughed about it.   
That afternoon Dan left to go get lunch, I wanted bagels and he was more than happy to get them. I had to tell him three times to not forget the cream cheese, and I was half expecting him to forget it anyway, but he came through with it which made me happy. The nurses weren't as pleased though, they said that I shouldn't be eating food that heavy yet and they gave me a Jell-O cup with a bottle of water for dinner. It was gross, it was green Jell-O, it didn't have a flavor, but I hated it. Dan promised me that as soon as I got out of the hospital he'd get me a big cheeseburger.   
That night was kind of long, Charlotte was cranky and now that she was able to stay in my room-which was great, I loved having her close- but she was up all night and Dan and I took turns feeding her and burping her and changing her diaper. She still hasn't pooped on him yet, but she will soon hopefully, just so he knows how it feels(it doesn't feel nice).   
Dan was so nice though, although I did get her some of the times she woke up crying, Dan got her most of the time. He told me to just lay down and get some rest. I don't know how I was lucky enough to have him in my life, or how I was ever able to be so lucky and call him my fiancé and the father of my daughter. 

The fourth day was the best though. I could fully walk around and use the bathroom by myself, I could finally poop and pee in private after the nurse had watched and coached me on my first poop. I have to say, it wasn't as embarrassing as the first time she was in the bathroom with me. She would just stand and play on her phone and occasionally look up at me to see how I was doing. I'd give her a thumbs up and she'd go back to playing on her phone.   
Once I was able to use the bathroom by myself, I was able to take a shower. I couldn't do that without supervision yet, and even when I went home, the nurse told me that I needed to have someone in there with me to make sure I didn't get my stitches wet.   
She showed me how to wrap the plastic around my stomach, it was like Saran Wrap and it became itchy and red if I started sweating.   
She said that she could take the baby to the nursery if I wanted Dan to help me in the shower instead, I liked the idea. Even though I was feeling very self conscious, I thought that Dan helping me would be less embarrassing than her.   
My first shower was nice, the warm water was relaxing and I thought Dan would comment on my stitches or the stretch marks that ran up and down my stomach and my breasts, instead he just took a rag and gently washed my back and my neck.   
After my shower he helped me put on the ugly hospital gown and he tied it for me, and while he tied it, he kissed my neck and my shoulders and it sent a chill through me.   
Sadly I wasn't able to do anything, not only because we were in the hospital, but Dan wouldn't allow me to even reach up to wrap my arms around him to kiss him because he was scared that I would tear the stitches while reaching.   
It was a rational fear, but still agitating.   
After my shower, Dan and I sat in bed for a little bit and cuddled before calling the nurse to bring Charlotte back. He asked if I could have some visitors and the nurse said yes, as long as I was up to it.   
So later that afternoon Suzy, Arin, Ross, Holly, Kevin and Mark came by to see how I was doing and to see Charlotte.   
She immediately had everyone wrapped around her tiny little fingers, and they all took turns passing her around. My motherly instinct had kicked in immediately when Holly handed her to Ross. She had started crying, and Ross was walking her around, I got paranoid, there were so many people and wires from machines were on the floor and I was scared he would trip and drop her.   
Dan could see my tension and he went and got Charlotte from Ross.   
We joked around for a bit, and Dan told everyone how Charlotte had pooped on me, which was the joke of the evening.   
Holly, Suzy and I talked about dressing her up and how they can't wait to buy her clothes and how pretty she is.   
The boys all joked about "Daddy Sexbang" and the chances of her inheriting his large thumbs. I could see though that he was sort of upset, and I later found out that it bothered him that Barry hasn't came, not just to support him, but to support me as well.   
That night the nurse came in and told me that Charlotte and I would be discharged the next morning. As celebration (and with the nurses approval) Dan got me a cheeseburger from the hospital cafeteria. It wasn't grand, but it was food, solid food and it felt good to eat something that wasn't Jell-O.   
I was beyond excited, not only for the cheeseburger, even though it was delicious and I finished it in four giant bites, and almost choked which made Danny panic, and then laugh when he saw that I was okay.   
After finishing my burger I had told Dan to bring over my suitcase and Charlotte. I wanted her to have the most beautiful coming home outfit on, but I also wanted her to be comfortable. I had packed one outfit that I had ordered from a site called Grammies Attic. It was in the coming home collection and as soon as I saw it I wanted it. Dan was hesitant when he saw the price, it was $55 dollars, but most of the outfits on the site were $75 or more, so he agreed that we could get her the outfit.   
It's a Bryan Pink Bubble outfit, it sort of puffs out, and it's really cute. My mom used to dress me in these kinds of outfits all the time and people adored it.   
It has lace bottom and the front of it has lace on the chest area and a little flower in the center, it's just so cute. Charlotte will look great in it.   
I had a hard time falling asleep that night, I was so freaking excited. Dan was sleeping in my bed and he wrapped his arm around me to keep me still. When I did finally fall asleep I was expecting Charlotte to wake up at some point during the night, but she ended sleeping until 7 in the morning, which was really nice. I had a full nights rest and I was ready to go. 

 

So now here we are, 7 in the morning. Dans holding Charlotte on the couch, his smile hasn't faded since he woke up. I know he's just as excited to be leaving as I am. I had packed a bunch of yoga pants and leggings, mostly because they were comfortable and I thought I'd be having a vaginal delivery. But the nurse said they were good to wear because they were able to be folded below the surgical line and wouldn't ride up against the stitches.   
The nurse gave me a giant hospital bag that contained mostly pads and ice pack pads and some hospital gloves. I was still bleeding and she said that I'd most likely bleed for 6 weeks, which bummed Dan out.   
She then gave Dan and I the post delivery sex talk, which was far more embarrassing than anything my mom could have said because she went into very vivid detail.   
She also gave us two six packs of the baby bottles and then a bunch of the wrapped nipple caps, which was nice. Dan and I still had to get formula, but we had gotten some four ounce Avent bottles which were supposed to be really nice according to the reviews. 

The nurse left to get mine and Charlottes discharge papers, and before she left she asked if I wanted a hospital photo of Charlotte. I obviously did, so she gave me a couple minutes to get Charlotte dressed in her coming home outfit and then wheeled her out of the room. I guess they take the photos in the nursery.   
While Charlotte was getting her photo taken I picked out a warmer outfit for Charlotte, a pair of footy pajamas that had a cute little owl on it and it had the built in kittens. I packed everything else into my suitcase making sure not to forget Dans gift that he had gotten me. The balloons were tied to the handle of my suitcase so those weren't going anywhere.   
"I'm gonna go set up the car seat, I'll take your suitcase out to the car too. Will you be alright while I'm gone?" I had forgotten about the car seat, but I'm glad Dan mentioned it.   
"Do you know how to set it up though?" I wasn't trying to make him seem stupid, I just didn't want Charlotte flying through the windshield if he had to slam on his breaks for anything.   
"Well, it has to come with instructions, nobodies born knowing how to install car seats. And if it doesn't have instructions, I'll just google it." Ahh, the power of Google, helping confused dads learn how to install car seats. I laughed and he brushed his fingers across my cheek. I leaned into his hand and sighed. I was finally able to go home with my tiny family. The love of my life and our beautiful daughter.   
"I love you Dan." He leaned over to kiss me softly in response.   
"I love you too. I'll be right back. Real quick. And if I'm not real quick, if I'm not back in thirty minutes, send a nurse down to help as a last resort." He booped my nose and walked out of the room.

The nurse came back in with Charlotte, who was asleep in her crib. She took out the crib card and handed it to me along with mine and Charlottes discharge papers.   
"We'll send you proofs of your pictures in the mail, and if you'd like to order them, you can send the paper back with a check, or you can go online and order them and they'll be mailed to you. Also, where is your fiancé? Did he leave without you?" She was joking around, and I smiled while shaking my head no.   
"He's out trying to install the car seat. He said that if he's not back in 30 minutes to send a nurse down to help him." She chuckled and rolled her eyes jokingly.   
"Ahh men, they're like a bunch of children at times. You know what I mean?"   
"Oh boy, do I ever." Dan was a big man child, but that's what I adored about him. 

Dan walked into my room, a look of triumph on his face. It was clear that he put the car seat in, and he felt quite proud of himself that he was able to do it on his own, although he probably watched a tutorial on YouTube.   
"I did it! It's all in, and sturdy, that seat ain't going no where!" He held his fists up in the air, like he had just won the Olympics, the Dad Olympics.   
"Well, I'll go get the wheelchair and we'll wheel you out." I nodded, and she left.   
"You ready to go home baby!? Are you excited!?" Dan was practically bouncing around the room, he couldn't wait to get home.   
The nurse came back in with the wheelchair and Dan helped me get up off the bed to go sit in the wheelchair. The nurse got Charlotte and laid her in my arms, and Dan got one of the hospital blankets and draped it over her.   
The journey down the hallway was bittersweet. I saw all the nurses who had helped me the last couple days, and they were all smiling and waving goodbye. I blinked a few times to let out the tears. It was great that I was going home with Charlotte and Dan, but I would also miss these women who had helped taken care of me, and helped with Charlotte when I couldn't. I wouldn't miss the Jell-O though, I never want to see Jell-O again, ew.   
The nurse wheeled me all the way to the car, Dan was next to me the whole way, he had kept his hand on my shoulder and kept up with the pace of the nurse the whole time. When we got next to the car Dan took Charlotte and put her in the car seat and got her buckled in. Then he held my hand as I climbed in next to her.   
"So I'll see you again soon?" The nurse asked. It was obviously a joke, as I had told her in the hospital on one of the days that I wasn't planning on having another child for another three or four years.   
"Oh, you'll probably see us next year, if you know what I mean." Dan wiggled his eyebrows and then looked back to wink at me. The nurse busted out laughing, which made Dan laugh, which in turn made me laugh.   
"Aww, look! She's blushing! Babe, you're blushing!" I hadn't noticed until Dan said something, but I hid my face in my hands. I was embarrassed.   
"Well, I guess I'll see you in a year or four. Oh, we'll call you about your follow up appointments in a week or two. Bye!" She patted the side of the car and we were off, on our way home. 

"You're awfully quiet, you want to talk about what's on your mind?" We were at a red light and Dan had turned his whole body to look back at me.   
"Oh, nothing. I'm just tired. I'm really excited to be going home, we can spend time with Charlotte and not get interrupted by the nurses every ten minutes." That part made me happy, and it made leaving the hospital a little less sad for me.   
"Oh yeah, and we can make out hardcore without the nurses walking in and making it awkward." He laughed and it vibrated the car. I rolled my eyes, but thinking about being alone with Dan made it feel like butterflies were in my stomach. Although we couldn't make out 'hardcore' as he said, the thought of being able to be with Dan uninterrupted seemed magical at this point. It almost seemed like it would never happen.   
He had been in the hospital for so long, and when he finally did come home I had gone to the hospital that night and had Charlotte, and he was stuck in a hospital for four more days. I can see why he was so excited to finally be going home.   
"How's your head feeling?" It had seemed like so long ago that everything between him and Barry went down, but now that I do remember I was worried about how he was feeling.   
"Oh..." He rubbed the back oh his head where Barry had hit him and shrugged. "I completely forgot, it doesn't even hurt. Don't worry about me babe, I'm fine, I'm a man." He reached back to pat my leg and I sighed. He was so selfless, and while it was sweet as hell, I wished he would worry about himself more. 

We pulled up to the apartment and finally being home was a fantastic feeling. I couldn't wait to just kick back on the couch with Dan and Charlotte.   
Our lives were going to change, we left here as just the two of us, and we're coming back bringing a baby with us.   
We're going to have sleepless nights, and late night feedings and diaper changes.   
But Dan was going to be there to help me, and I was going to be there to help him. 

Dan got out and opened the door up for me and held my hand as I climbed out. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him and kissed my forehead.   
"We're home baby." He whispered into my ear and kissed me once more before pulling away to get the bags out of the car. I went to grab the suitcase and he quickly grabbed it.   
"No no no, you can't. Here, take the hallmark bag. I don't want you to strain yourself. I'll bring Charlotte in, then I'll get the suitcase, just get yourself settled." He went around to the other side of the car and got Charlottes car seat and carried it in behind me.   
Ugh, I feel so useless. I won't be able to do anything for the next month or two.   
Dan would have to do everything and all I can do is take care of Charlotte. He's already got enough on his plate with Game Grumps and Steam Train and Starbomb and Ninja Sex Party, and now taking care of me and making sure the stuff that needs to be done around the house gets done, I just feel like a burden. 

I trudged up the stairs to the apartment and Dan was carrying Charlottes car seat in behind me. When I finally got to the door he unlocked it and opened it for me, and while most of the time I would have thought this was gentlemanly and chivalrous, now I just thought it was another thing I couldn't do.   
I got in and walked over to the couch and sat down. Dan placed the car seat next to my feet on the floor and when he left to get the suitcase I reach over to unbuckle her and get her out. I held her close against me and rocked her.   
Dan walked in with the suitcase and placed it next to the door and after shutting the door and locking it he walked over and sat down next to me.   
He wrapped his arm around me and I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed.   
"It's nice, isn't it. We're finally home." He rubbed the back of Charlottes hand with his free hand and smiled down at me. I looked down at Charlotte and then back up at him. A hint of worry showed in his eyes.   
"I just feel like a burden. You won't let me do anything. I can't even carry my own suitcase up, I feel useless." He shifted himself to look at me head on and tilted my chin up so that I'd look straight at him.   
"____, you're not useless and you're not a burden. You can't lift anything over the weight of Charlotte, you'll bleed too much and you'll end up back in the hospital. Now don't take it the wrong way when I say, I'd rather you do nothing than have to be back in the hospital for god knows how long."   
"The suitcase wasn't even that heavy, I could have carried it."   
"Stop being persistent. That suitcase was heavy as fuuuuu-" he looked down at Charlotte and back up at me "it was heavy as hell, and I wouldn't have wanted you to carry it no matter what, you could have hurt yourself." I thought it was cute the way he caught himself before he cussed around her, although I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have understood what he said anyway. I laughed and he smiled, I guess he thought that the subject was over and we could move onto another subject, but really I just didn't want to argue, because I knew he was right. The nurses had said that for the next six weeks I was to keep from doing anything strenuous that would put pressure down there and that included lifting heavy things. I couldn't be mad at him for caring, I wasn't mad at him for caring. I was mad that I couldn't do anything and I can't do anything about it. 

 

The evening went by pretty quick. Arin called Dan and asked if he would be able to come in and film some episodes next week and Dan said yes, as long as Charlotte and I could come to the Grump Space with him because he was worried about leaving me alone in my condition.   
It agitated me, he said it like I was dying or something and that I needed to have eyes on me 24/7.   
After getting Charlotte to sleep I sat down at the table with a cup of tea and Dan sat across from me. He was looking through his phone, I guess he was waiting for me to start a conversation.   
"You know, you talk about me like I'm crippled or something."   
"What?" He put his phone down on the table and looked up at me. He had one eyebrow raised and his head was tilted, his body language portrayed the utter confusion that he felt from my question.   
"When you were talking to Arin, you said you didn't want to leave me here in my condition. What the fuck Dan, I'm not dying, I can walk, I'm not incapacitated." He ran his hand through his hair and sighed.   
"Look, I know you don't think it's a big deal, but you were practically cut in half, okay. And I know you, you'd try to clean the house while I'm gone and you'd lift something and then you'd get hurt and what if you weren't able to get to your phone to call me? Okay, I worry about you, and honestly, I just need to have you and Charlotte close me, it makes me feel a lot better. If you and her are in the Grump Space with me, I'll feel more at ease. I love you." I felt like shit now. I had almost started a stupid argument because I assumed that what he meant was I was unable to be home alone. But knowing the reason was because he just didn't want to be away from me and Charlotte, I started crying.   
He got up and walked over to me and pulled me up from the chair and just held me close to him.   
"Shh, shh, I love you ___, just don't ever forget that, alright."   
"I love you too Danny."   
"And that's all I needed to hear. You know you and Charlotte mean everything to me, right?"   
"Yes I know, and you and Charlotte are everything to me."   
"Right, and I can't stand to be away from you and her for more than a minute. When I left the hospital it was hell."   
"I'm sorry..." He chuckled, it wasn't loud, it was a throaty laugh.   
"There's nothing for you to be sorry about, how about we go to bed, and if Charlotte wakes up, I'll get her. And in the morning I'll make you breakfast, that sound good?"   
"Mmhm." I nodded against his chest and he kissed the top of my head. 

We silently went into the bedroom, hoping not to wake Charlotte. Dan and I both needed our sleep. We curled up close to each other, it's like we both needed that closeness after not being able to sleep together for so long.   
It was our first night back at home, sleeping in our own bed, and with Charlotte sleeping peacefully a couple feet away in her bassinet, I fell asleep happy with my tiny little family close to me.


	7. First Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dans POV

The first week wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Luckily, Charlotte slept through the night most of the time, and if she did wake up it was just for a bottle and then she went back to sleep.   
____ is feeling better, I still won't let her do much, it doesn't bother her anymore, I guess she's gotten used to it.   
On Wednesday we had to go to Charlottes first doctors appointment. I could tell that ___ was still sore, but she wasn't in as much pain as she was before. She put on her most comfortable outfit, took some painkillers, and then went with me to the appointment.   
The doctors visit took about two hours, and I was glad that I hadn't had anything planned for that day because I would have had to cancel it anyway.   
The doctor told us that Charlotte had lost some weight since being born which was totally normal and we had nothing to worry about. She was the perfect length and weight for a newborn baby to be. Of course she's perfect, she's mine and ___'s daughter. She was destined to be perfect. Duh.   
Next the doctor did a physical exam, which confused me, not gonna lie. ___ helped the doctor get the baby undressed to get checked. We were told that the tiny piece of umbilical cord should fall off in the next week or so. ____ wanted to save it in a plastic bag, so I'd have to keep an eye out for it when it does fall off.   
Charlotte got her HepB shot, and I grabbed ___'s hand, as if I needed the support. It killed me watching Charlotte cry, and as soon as the shot was over and the doctor had put a bandaid over it I picked her up and held her close to try to soothe her.   
I was very protective of Charlotte, and although I knew the vaccination was necessary, I couldn't stand to see her hurt.   
The doctor told us we could get some Infants Tylenol to help calm her when she seemed like she was in pain and that we could give her the lowest dosage.   
That night was kind of hard, Charlotte was cranky and ___ had already given her medicine so we couldn't give her anymore. She didn't want to drink her bottles and I had already changed her diaper. ___ insisted that I let her try, and although she told the nurses at the hospital that she wouldn't, she started breastfeeding Charlotte. It calmed her down though, and she fell back asleep after she was done, and we got as much sleep as we could before Charlotte woke up again. 

Thursday was pretty uneventful. I had the episode to record with Arin on Friday, so I decided to use Thursday to spend time with ___ and Charlotte. I knew I'd have to get back to work doing Game Grumps and NSP, so I wanted to be with them.   
____ was complaining about how it was a bad idea for her to start breastfeeding, and now her boobs hurt. She told me that now they were going to make milk because they think they're supposed to now to feed Charlotte. I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that boobs have a mind of their own.   
I helped ___ check her stitches which were healing really well. I still had to help her get off the couch and get out of bed. If she dropped Charlottes pacifier I quickly ran to get it, I didn't want her bending over, it could pull at the stitches and cause an infection and land her right back in the hospital, and none of us wanted that. I think that's why she's pretending to be okay with me keeping her from doing things. I know that deep down she fucking hates it, I would too, but she doesn't want to be in hospital as much as I don't want her back in the hospital.   
She could still carry Charlotte around though, and when I came back home from getting more formula for Charlotte (let me tell you, that baby drinks a lot! She's gonna get pretty chubby.) but anyway, when I came back home, ____ was standing in the middle of the living room and looking out the far window. She was rocking Charlotte and quietly singing the Last Unicorn theme to her. I quietly shut the door and placed the bag on the floor and came up behind ____ and wrapped my arms around her.   
"I thought that I had loved before..." I was whispering in her ear, she turned around to look at me.   
"What?" I still had my arms wrapped around her, so I pulled her close, so that Charlotte was against my chest and ___ was looking up at me.   
"I thought that I had loved before. But I was wrong. I never knew real love until you came into my life. When it first started, I didn't think we'd go this far. But as time went on, I fell in love with you more and more. And when you told me that you were pregnant, I was terrified. I didn't think I was ready... And I made a mistake, and that stupid mistake could have made me lose you, could have made me lose her. But you stayed, and I thank god every morning when I wake up and see you, and when I wake up and see her, I thank god that you stayed, that you gave me the chance to make things right. I realize now that, I didn't know shit about love, until now. I love you, and I love Charlotte, and I'll love you forever, no matter what. You're all I want, forever and always. This is what I want." She was staring up at me, she had tears running down her cheeks. Then she backed up and started laughing. I was so confused.   
"You're so cheesy babe, gosh. I love you too." I laughed along with her, I knew that her joking around was to keep her from crying more. She had told me before that she wasn't used to affection or any type of display of affection. She wasn't used to hearing about love, let alone love for her, so whenever I told her she cried.   
She put Charlotte in her bassinet and turned on the monitor and I ordered subs. 

 

Friday (today) is a big day. I have to go back to work, and ____ was insisting that I just let her stay home. But I needed her there, and I told her that, so she agreed to going.   
I helped her pack up the stuff in the diaper bag that she'd need. A few bottles, formula, diapers, wipes, a change of clothes. Everything the baby would need for a stay at the grump space.   
____ told me to bring the pack and go crib, it was easily movable and it wasn't very heavy and it was easy to set up if Charlotte were to fall asleep.   
I texted Arin and told him that I was on my way over and that ___ and Charlotte were coming with me. Suzy and Holly were as excited as ___ and I were that Charlotte was here. Arin must have told Suzy that ___ was coming over with the baby because she started texting ___ about how excited she was to see her.   
I knew that ___ liked the fact that everyone liked her, and that everyone liked Charlotte, but I also knew that ___ didn't like to be hovered over. I'll have to let everyone know that ___ is still sore and that she can't be playing pass the baby with everyone, especially while I'm recording.   
This is the first time I'll be back in the Grump Space for work purposes since what happened between Barry and I. Although I'm over it, Barry still hasn't shown his face around me or ___. He hasn't even congratulated us on the birth of Charlotte.   
Arin had told me that Barry felt bad, and he was just uncomfortable at the moment, which was completely understandable, he could have killed me. But he has to get over it, because we're a team, we work together, and we're around each other almost all day every day. 

I pulled up out front of the Grump Space and Suzy was waiting outside for us. She ran over to the car when I parked and opened the door for ___.   
"Hi! How are you feeling?" She stepped back so ___ could climb out of the car.   
"Eh, alright I guess. Better than I felt in the hospital. Dan still won't let me do anything." She looked over at me and I smiled. I had walked fully around the car to get Charlottes car seat and I lightly squeezed ___'s ass as I walked by.   
"It's only cause I love her." I smiled back at her and she laughed along with Suzy.   
"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. Arin was wondering if Charlotte can be brought up during the videos or not. It's totally cool if not, we respect that." Suzy and I both stared at ___, it was a question that I had been meaning to ask ____ since we got back home, I just never got around to it.   
"Uhm... Well yeah. Just don't give out too much information though." ___ bit her lip and looked up at me. It was her look of thought, and I wished that I could hear what she was thinking.   
"Hey, don't worry babe. I won't say anything that could put you or her in danger." She took a deep breath and nodded, then forced a smile. 

When we walked in the door, it was almost immediate. Everyone was around us, hugging ___, hugging me, trying to look at Charlotte.   
"Noice outfit gurrrlllll!" Arin shouted to ___, he was leaving the recording room. I hadn't noticed what ___ was wearing, but I looked down at her and saw that she had a Goopy Grumps t-shirt on, a pair of sweatpants, and a pair of black vans.   
She shook her head and muttered shut up under her breath. She was still smiling though. I hope this wasn't too much for her, I would feel like a complete dick bag for forcing her to come here after she said she wanted to just stay home.   
____ moved to the couch and I sat Charlottes car seat down next to her feet. She pulled her out and Suzy sat next to her on the couch. ___ seemed fine with Suzy staying close, I guess she felt more comfortable with Suzy which was completely understandable.   
She handed Charlotte off to Suzy and then followed me out to the car.   
"Hey, let me help with some of that. You don't need to do everything, I'm feeling a little bit better. The least you can do is let me carry the diaper bag."   
"Fine. Are you sure you're alright though?"   
"Yes, I'm fine. Stop worrying, please. You gotta get back in there."   
"Just, call for me if anyone bothers you." I was still worried that Barry would mess with her, that was always in the back of my head now. But I tried to stay optimistic, and I didn't want to voice my fears to her because she'd worry about me getting into another altercation with Barry.   
She grabbed my hand and stood on her tiptoes to kiss me and it focused my attention back to her.   
"Hey, I love you." I really liked when she said that. Especially when she said it first. She always has a beautiful smile on her face when she says it, and it shows me that she really means it.  
"I love you more." I poked her cheek and she rolled her eyes.   
"Come oooonnn, you have work to do. Let's goooo!" 

~~~~~ 

"HEY EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK TO GAME GRUUUMPS!! I'm back here with my buddy Daaaaannnn!"   
"Hi everyone! I hope everyone's having a great week cause mines been pretty buckwild."   
"Oh reallllyyy? What's been going on in your life Daniel? Just for all those people who don't keep up on all of our social medias. Oh SHIIIITTT!"   
We were playing Mario Maker, there were so many freaking levels that Arin wanted to play, we had to be on episode like 95 now. He had lost again, so he handed me the Wii U.   
"Here, you try it! Also, tell all the lovelies what's been going on lately and why I've had to deal with Ross for so gosh dang long!"   
"Weeellll, I was in the hospital for reasons that are unimportant at the moment. But, since my fiancée said its okay, Uhm, I'm a dad now for all those who don't know."   
Arin cheered into the microphone, and I don't know how he was able to get so close to it and now puke cause the mics smelled like 100% pure unconcentrated ass.  
"Everyone show my man Dan here some respect, first dad in the grump family. So, does she sleep through the night? Oh, yeah, for those who didn't know, Dan had a daughter. She's freaking adorable."   
"Yes, thank you Arin, she is totally adorbs. And yes, she does sleep through the night most of the time, although I've only had her home for a week."   
"Oh man, oh man, Dan, can I tell the story about ___ in the hospital?"   
"Aw, come on Arin. I don't think she'd-"  
"If it came from me, Suzy will beat me up for her."   
"I just don't want the fans to make fun of her, even if it's in a joking way."   
"No one will make fun of her!"   
I gave him a look and he threw his hands down on his lap in a pouty way and I laughed.   
"Gosh, you're such a baby Arin."   
"Yeah, well... You suck at video games ya looooser!"   
"This level is freaking impossible!" 

~~~~~

We finished up the episode, and it should be uploaded in the next week or so. I was happy that I was able to talk about Charlotte and ___ on the episode and let everyone know what's been going on, although they won't know about it for another week. Barry still has to edit the episode.   
When we finished, before I could leave, Arin pulled me aside.   
"Hey man, don't let ___ see the subreddit."   
"What do you mean?"   
"Just some shitty fans, you know."   
"No, I don't know, tell me. Show me." 

Arin pulled out his phone and apparently he had bookmarked a particular post on our subreddit. 

"Did you see this shit?"

It had a link attached to it, and the link was to the picture of Charlotte that I posted on Instagram.  
"Open the post Arin."   
"Dan I don't think.."   
"Arin!"   
He opened the post and it had about 200,000+ comments. 

"Yeah, I know right. Probably won't even have time to do NSP or Game Grumps or anything anymore because he's got to go play Daddy to some kid that he probably didn't even want."

"Yeah, I know right! Ever since that girl, what's he name again? Oh whatever, she's made his life hell. Can't even have fun anymore."

I didn't want to read anymore. They were so far from right, they were left. It was ridiculous.   
"Can you get Reddit to delete all the negative comments. I don't want ___ to see that shit."   
"Man, it'll take forever for them to get rid of all the shittiness. For every one nice comment there's about ten or twenty rude ones."   
"Fuck!" I ran my hand through my hair and leaned against the wall. There was a knock on the door.   
"Dan?" It was ___. I tried to compose myself, but I was fucking livid. How could people be so fucking shitty? I opened the door and she was holding Charlotte.   
Although I was pissed off, seeing them sort of calmed me down. This is why I needed them here with me.   
"Hey darling. How's Charlotte?"   
"Oh, she's fine. I'm worried about you. I heard you scream in here and I just wanted to see if you were okay... Did I interrupt...?"   
"No, no. You're fine. Come here." I extended my arms out, I knew that having her in my arms would make me feel so much better. How anyone could think that I wasn't happy or that I wasn't having fun completely boggles my mind.   
I worked on NSP and Game Grumps the whole time ____ was pregnant. She knows that I have work to do and she won't hold me back from doing it. She's not like that.   
I pulled Charlotte out of ____'s arms and cradled her and walked around with her.   
"I think she's peeing, the diaper is getting warm..."  
___ laughed and held out her arms as if to take Charlotte back.   
"I got her, I'll change her. Let's go."   
I walked out to the couch where the diaper bag was and everyone quickly gathered around. Ross pulled out his phone, I guess to document.   
I pulled off the diaper and while I was getting the other diaper ready to put on I felt something warm next to my leg.   
When I looked down Charlotte started full force peeing and it was going all over me.   
"Oh my gooooddddd!" Arin was laughing his ass off and ___ was laughing so hard she was crying.   
"I got it on video! Oh man! The fans are gonna love this!" I reached out to try to grab Ross's phone while still trying to get the diaper on Charlotte.   
"God dammit Ross!" I finished putting the diaper on Charlotte and got up to help Suzy get some wet napkins to clean the pee off the couch.   
____ got some baby wipes out of her diaper bag to also help and Arin was holding Charlotte and following Ross around while he showed everyone the video of me getting pissed on.   
Kevin and Barry were laughing, and although I was soaked with pee, I couldn't help but laugh too.   
Whoever said I couldn't have fun anymore, they're totally wrong. I'm having just as much fun now as I was before, and I know that once the fans get used to it, they'll probably love to hear the stories about me being a father and my many adventures in fatherhood.


	8. Reddit

Dan has been working a lot and I've been spending a lot of time at the Grump Space so that he could make up for the time that he's missed while being in the hospital and me having Charlotte. 

It's been two weeks since I've had Charlotte and I'm starting to feel much better. I still can't lift much, but I'm not as sore as I was before. My stitches are healing, I can't wait until I'm able to wear jeans again.   
Dan still doesn't want me to stay at home alone yet, he said that until I'm fully healed he wants me to be with him.   
He's so over protective, and at times its great, I love having someone that cares so much, but I also like to have privacy. I'd like to be alone with Charlotte and have some bonding time without everyone hovering over me. I like the fact that all the Grumps love her and enjoy having her around, but she's my first child and I'd like to spend some time with her in the comfort of my own home.   
Ever since that night that I breastfed her due to her not going to sleep with anything else, she's been wanting it more, and it's hard to breastfeed around the Grumps, even when I lock myself in the guest room or the bathroom, I know they're there and it's awkward. 

Dan was going to film an episode of GrumpCade today, and I knew the drill. I had to get ready and he'd help me pack up the diaper bag and we'd have to be there by a certain time so they'd have enough film time. It was tiring, but I knew that he had to make up for the missed time, and the fans were very important to him. He wanted to keep them happy.   
I've been getting up with Charlotte in the middle of the night so that Dan won't have to, I know he has to work all day every day and I don't want him to be tired. So that means that when I have to wake up to get ready he basically has to drag me out of bed and out the door. 

When we got to the Grump Space today everyone greeted me and Suzy was quick to go to Charlotte. In the beginning I was always worried about someone dropping her or tripping over cords, but at this point, I was so tired that I was almost happy that someone else was holding her, I was now more scared of me tripping over cords or falling asleep while holding her and accidentally dropping her.   
Dan kissed me and Charlotte and immediately went back to start filming. I sat on the couch and started dozing off.   
I heard Kevin come over and talk to Suzy who was holding Charlotte and feeding her.   
Although my eyes were closed and I was dead tired, I could still hear what they were saying. I heard Kevin say something about a post on Reddit.   
"Well, what's it say?" It was Suzy now talking, and then silence, as I figured Kevin was getting the post up on his phone.   
"Oh no... What the hell is wrong with people." It was Suzy again and I felt the couch shift as she got up.   
"I don't know, they're being really rude. I don't know how they could say that about ___. And Charlotte, she's just a baby." When I heard Kevin say my name, I immediately wanted to know what it was about. Apparently something was being said about me, and while I was sort of upset that I was being talked about, I was absolutely furious that Charlotte was being talked about in a way that was obviously bad judging by the way Kevin said it.   
I immediately got up, which was a bad idea, I got light headed and stumbled and tripped over the leg of the coffee table. Kevin and Suzy turned around and saw me.   
"Oh, hey ___! I've got Charlotte, I just wanted to let you sleep, you look tired." Suzy walked over to me and I took Charlotte from her and put her in the pack and go crib that was set up next to the couch.   
"What are they saying on Reddit about Charlotte?" Kevin's eyes got wide and he turned to walk away.   
"Kevin... Please. I want to see it."   
"I don't really think you do. Plus, it doesn't matter, those people, they're just being dicks." Kevin looked to Suzy who nodded in agreement.   
"Yeah, they're all being total dicks. It's doesn't matter at all." Their words weren't comforting, I wanted to know what those people were saying about me and my baby.   
"Fine, I'll look it up myself!" I pulled out my phone and Suzy sighed and Kevin bit his lip. They both looked nervous. 

I typed the URL and waited for the page to load. The reception was shitty, and it took awhile. I was getting impatient, but it finally loaded up the front page of the Game Grump subreddit.   
I scrolled through posts about their videos and jokes and memes, and then I finally got to the post I was looking for and the one that they were talking about.   
I didn't bother to read the title of the post, I saw the icon next to it. It was a picture of Charlotte, and I was scared about what I would read. I reluctantly tapped the title of the post to open it and waited for it to load.   
When it did, there were a bunch of comments. I skimmed through them, some of them were imgur links, I won't open those until I was done reading through some of these comments.   
Most of them didn't bother me, they were rude, but I knew they weren't true. Charlotte and I weren't holding Dan back, he's recorded a shit ton of episodes since I've had her.   
There was one comment though, it said   
"You know, this might be a little bit fucked up, but I think it would have been so much better if Dans girlfriend aborted that baby. Or maybe if she miscarried it, they would have been sad and they would have started arguing and then they would have broken up, and we wouldn't have to deal with Dan constantly talking about her and that damn baby. It's really freaking annoying."   
I read it over and over and over. I don't know whether I want to cry or throw my phone against the wall or both. I feel sick, I don't know how someone can say shit like that. What's worse is that no one came to my defense, nobody defended Dan or Charlotte. There were only up votes and people agreeing.   
It was obvious that these fans don't like me or Charlotte, and although they have no reason to not like us, they hated us anyway.   
I don't want them hating Dan though, so maybe if I leave for a little while, that'll make them happy and Dan won't get so much shit.   
"___, are you alright...?" Suzy had her hand on my shoulder. I was staring blankly at my phone screen, and I looked up at her and nodded.   
"Yeah, I'm fine..." I'm not fine though. I'm supposed to be happy. I put myself into this position though, Suzy and Kevin tried to tell me not to read that stuff. But either way, I'm not going to have people talk like that about my daughter.   
"I just want to go back to the apartment. You think you can drive me and Charlotte back Suz?"   
"Well... I can, but Dan..." She looked over to the door that led to the room where Dan was recording at.   
"Kevin can tell him. Just say that I don't feel good and I wanted to go home."   
Kevin nodded and Suzy sighed. I put Charlotte in her car seat and grabbed the diaper bag. Although I wasn't supposed to, I lifted the car seat and carried her out to Suzy's car.   
"Dans going to be worried if he comes out and sees you're not here."   
"If he texts me or calls I'll answer. I just... I want to be home with Charlotte."   
Suzy nodded and started the car and drove off towards my apartment. 

When we got there she insisted that she carry the car seat for me, so I carried my diaper bag and rummaged through it to find the spare set of keys that I had for the door. When I opened it, Suzy followed me in and put Charlotte down next to the couch and stared at me.   
"What?"   
"Nothing, I'm just worried about you."   
"Don't be, I'm fine. Just need to rest, in my own bed."   
"Don't read anymore of those comments. Those people are stupid."   
"I won't."   
She nodded and walked out. I closed the door behind her and sat on the couch and leaned to get Charlotte out of her car seat. She was sleeping, so I put her in the bassinet and turned on the monitor and sat back down on the couch. I don't know what to do, the fans don't like me or Charlotte. They don't want us around, and they're saying things about Dan, and that hurts me. I love Dan, and I love Charlotte and I don't want them to be talked about like that.   
I pulled my phone out of my diaper bag and dialed my moms number. It went to voicemail after a couple rings, she must be busy. I decided not to leave her message, she never checks them anyway.   
She called me back five minutes later.   
"Hey honey, is something wrong? How's Charlotte?"   
"We're fine, I just need to talk to you."   
"What's going on?"   
"People online, fans of Dan, they were saying things and, I know you always told me not to worry about what other people say, but they said things about Charlotte, and they don't want me around. They say I'm holding Dan back and... I think I need to come home for a little while."   
"___, what about Dan? He'll be devastated."   
"No, he'll have more time to record stuff and work on NSP and Game Grumps. I'll face time him and I just need to come home. I need you mom."   
"Alright alright. Do you need money for a plane ticket?"   
"No, I've got it..."   
"Are you going to tell Dan?"   
"I'll leave him a note."   
"Hmm, alright. Just be careful. I'll have everything set up for you when you get here, call me and let me know when you get here."   
"Alright, I love you."   
"Love you too honey."   
I ended the call and put my phone down on the couch. I needed to do this, Dan will have so much time to get everything done without me here for him to worry about. The fans will be happy, and this will be good for him, I think.   
I got my laptop and looked online for one way tickets from California to Maryland. They were pretty cheap, $300 for a flight. It was for tomorrow at 3 in the afternoon. Dan would be at the Grump Space. I'll tell him that I just want to stay home, and that I'll keep Charlotte with me.   
I ordered the ticket, I was glad that Dan had gotten me a credit card while I was pregnant, he said it was for emergency purposes, if he had to go away for a while or if I got hungry while he was working and I was at home. He put $800 on it, and I had completely forgotten about it until now. 

I bought two tickets, one for me and one for Charlotte, I never really road on a plane, they terrify me, but it was the quickest way back home and I know that Charlotte wouldn't do well for two days on a bus.   
They sent me an email to confirm my purchase and I'd need to show them the confirmation email when I get to the airport tomorrow.   
I started packing all the stuff I'd need, clothes for me and Charlotte, her diapers, wipes, my shoes, her bottles, formula, everything.   
I decided to leave my computer stuff that I had brought here back in August. It seemed like so long ago, and the dream I once had, although it didn't really come true, another dream began. I'm now a mother with a beautiful baby girl, and her father is an amazing man, that I love so dearly, I'd do anything for him, and that's why I'm doing this.   
I slid the luggage under the bed so that Dan wouldn't be able find it.   
I looked at the time, it was four in the afternoon. This time tomorrow I'll be on my plane heading back home to Maryland.   
I was sad, depressed actually, I'd be leaving behind everyone. The Grumps had become my best friends, they were family.   
And Dan, I'd miss him more than anything, it breaks my heart, I love him, but, I need to do this. It doesn't mean that I love him any less.   
I laid on my bed and fell asleep, I was tired and I was crying so much that my eyes hurt. I needed some sleep, and with Charlotte asleep, this was my best chance. 

I woke up and Dan was laying next to me. He was smiling and he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close to him.   
"Dan, I thought-" he cut me off with a kiss. I'll miss his kisses, and his hugs, and everything about him.   
"Shh, she's sleeping. How are you feeling?" He was whispering, and he was still close enough that his lips brushed against mine when he talked.   
"Not good. My stomach hurts."   
"The stitches? Do you need to go to the hospital?"   
"No, not the stitches. My tummy, I feel sick."   
"I'm sorry, Suzy told me you read some of the comments on Reddit... Don't worry about that shit. They're being assholes. I love you, and you're not keeping me from doing anything. I love spending time with you, and I love talking about you and Charlotte. Like I said before, you're the greatest things that have ever happened to me. The fans are just going to have to get used to it." I nodded and scooted closer to him. He was making it hard for me, I know that I'm going to be leaving him tomorrow, but it's for him. It's all for him.   
I started crying and he kissed my forehead repeatedly and wiped the tears away.   
"Shh, shh, hey, don't think about them. I love you, I love you so much ___."   
"I love you too Dan. No matter where I go, or whatever happens, I love you, and I'll always love you." 

The rest of the day went on normally, Dan ordered pizza and we sat at the table and talked.   
"So, do you think you'll feel better tomorrow?" Dan looked up from his plate and I finished chewing before I answered.   
"I don't know, I just want to give it a day. I don't want to get anyone sick." Yeah, that was good. That should be believable.   
"Do you want me to stay here with you? I can do that."   
"No, I'll be fine here. You just keep filming, the fans probably love the amount of episodes that are coming out now." He sighed as he got up to get another slice of pizza.   
"Fine, just call me if you need anything. I'm gonna call every thirty minutes to check in on you and Charlotte."   
"Alright." 

The night went on, Charlotte woke up in the middle of the night and Dan got up to get her. I was turned the other way and he was sitting on the edge of bed rocking her. He was talking to her too, he was whispering though, so I tried to listen.   
"I know I've been working a bunch, it's hard being away from you and your mom. But I just want you to know that I love you, and no matter what, you'll always be my little girl." He got up from the edge of the bed and put her back in the bassinet and laid back down next to me and wrapped his arm around me. 

 

I woke up in the morning and heard Dan in the kitchen making a pot of coffee. Charlotte was still sleeping so I put on my robe and silently walked out of the room. When he saw me he smiled.   
"Good morning beautiful. How are you feeling?" He grabbed my face and kissed me. Oh how I'd miss those kisses, god this is going to be hard. In six hours I'll be on my way back to Maryland, giving into what the fans wanted. I was weak, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle being talked about, and I wouldn't stand to have my baby talked about. I don't know how Dan will react, but I'm hoping he'll understand that I'm doing it for him.   
"Sick, I'm just going to stay home today."  
"I can stay home with you, I've done enough recording for the whole month. I mean, Brian wants me to come in to work on-"   
"Then do it. I'll be fine, promise. I love you."   
"Are you okay?"   
"Yeah, I just don't want to keep you from doing what you need to do."   
"Stop, that's now how it is. I told you not to read that shit. Don't let it get to you."   
"I'm not, I just... I need some coffee."   
I walked over to the counter and Dan followed me and put his hands on the counter so that his arms were on either side of me.   
"I love you." He whispered in my ear and it sent a chill through me. I sighed and turned around to look at him. He was much closer than I expected and he immediately started kissing me. It wasn't gentle this time, he put one hand on the back of my head and the other on my lower back and pulled me closer.   
I ran my hand up his back and then let my fingers tangle themselves in his hair and I grabbed a handful and pulled it. He bit my lip and trailed kisses down my jaw and then moved my hair away from my neck and kissed and nibbled at it for a second before moving back up to kiss me one last time on the lips and backing away.   
I was breathing heavily and so was he, but he was smiling wide. He grabbed his coffee and sat at the table and I stayed leaning against the counter. 

 

Dan left to work with Brian at ten, he said he'd be back at six. He kissed Charlotte and I goodbye, little did he know that it would be the last goodbye for a while.   
My heart ached as I watched him walk out the door, that would be the last time I see him.   
I started getting everything ready for my trip, I got Charlotte dressed and packed some extra bottles, formula, blankets, diapers, wipes, and an extra pacifier in my diaper bag for the plane ride. The tickets said nothing about layovers, and I was hoping that there wouldn't be any, but the plane would probably have to stop for fuel at some point.   
The morning went by fast, and before I knew it, it was 12:50 pm, I called the cab, knowing it would take an hour and a half or more to get to the airport.   
Dan called earlier, he wanted to check in on me, I told him I was doing fine and that I was gonna take a nap. He told me he loved me and I hung up. Hearing his voice would only make this harder. I had to keep reminding myself that this was for him. 

I had all my stuff near the door, and I checked my diaper bag one more time to make sure I had everything.   
The taxi company called and told me that a driver was outside. I locked the door behind me and carried Charlotte with one hand and pulled the suitcase with my other hand and had my diaper bag around my shoulder.   
The taxi driver got out to help me carry the suitcase. He placed it in the trunk and I climbed in the back of the taxi. I buckled Charlottes car seat in and the taxi driver looked back and asked me where I was going.   
"Bob Hope Airport."   
"Alright, we'll be there in about an hour." 

The taxi ride took a little long than expected. By the time we got to the airport it was 2:15. The plane was going to board in 25 minutes, so I had that long to feed Charlotte her bottle and change her diaper so she isn't cranky on the plane.   
I didn't want to force feed Charlotte, and she wouldn't finish her bottle, so I changed her diaper and spent the last ten minutes looking for the terminal. I had to stop and ask where it was, and the man who answered was on his way to the same terminal too. He offered to help me with my luggage (which was luckily light enough to be carry on). I nodded and I trailed next to him.   
"So, why you leaving California?" He tried to make small conversation.   
"Uhm, I'm visiting my mom."   
"Ahh, you got a boyfriend to go with that baby?"   
"Excuse me?"   
"Well, you got a baby there and I was just wondering-"   
"Yes, I have a fiancé. He can't come with me, he works a lot."   
"Okie dokie." He nodded and stayed quiet the rest of the way to the terminal.   
We made it just in time, and I walked to my seat, I'm glad no one else was in my row, I'd need room for Charlottes car seat.   
The man put my suitcase up in the compartment and then told me that if I needed anything to just ask. He ended up sitting in the row across from me.   
I had to ask one of the attendants for help getting Charlotte buckled in. She showed me how to do it and I smiled and thanked her.   
I decided to hurry up and text Suzy.   
"Hey, Uhm, I'm on a plane to Maryland right now."   
She immediately texted back.   
"What? Are you joking?"   
"No..." I took a picture and sent it to her. It was Charlotte in her car seat with the window in the background.   
"What the hell! Why?"   
"I just need to let Dan work right now, and if I'm gone the fans will lay off of him."   
"Jesus Christ ___! I need to tell Dan."   
"Well, I need to turn my phone off, we're about to take off."   
"No! Shit!"   
I turned my phone off and put it back in my diaper bag. The pilot came over the speakers and did the usual speech. Turn off all electronics, enjoy the flight, peanuts.   
I took a deep breath as I felt the plane start up and looked out the window as the plane started going down the runway.   
Charlotte was sleeping peacefully in her car seat as we lifted off.   
This is for Dan, this is all for Dan.


	9. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dans Point of View

Brian and I were in the recording room working on our new song when Suzy ran in.   
"Dan! Dan there's a problem!" My heart sank and I immediately pulled out my phone to text ___. Something must have happened with Charlotte.   
"No, don't, texting is useless. She's gone."   
"Who's gone!? What are you talking about?"   
"____, she's going back home."   
"She is home. She's home with Charlotte."   
"No, home home. Back to Maryland."   
"You're fucking with me, that's not funny Suz."   
"Dammit Dan, I'm not joking, she said she's doing it so you can get more work done. The fans got to her Dan."   
"I fucking, I told, shit. Does she have Charlotte?" Suzy walked over and showed me a picture from ____ of Charlotte in the plane next to the window, and a lump formed in my throat that I just couldn't swallow.   
"Did the plane already take off?"   
"Yeah, she turned off her phone."   
"Fucking, I need to go. I need to get her."   
"Dan, at least wait for her plane to land, then text her and then you can go."   
"Yeah, you're right... Fuck... Fucking..." I started crying and Brian and Suzy looked shocked. Nobody has seen me cry, but I couldn't hold it back. But I was fucking pissed. I started pacing the room. I was practically hyperventilating, I couldn't catch my breath.   
"Hey Dan, you need to calm down." Brian put his hand on my shoulder, I shrugged it off. I walked out of the recording room and Arin was sitting on the couch on his computer.   
"Dan... You okay?" Arin closed his laptop and put it down next to him.   
"No, I'm fucking not okay. Stupid fucking fans, ____'s on a plane back to Maryland with Charlotte!"   
Kevin came around the corner and Barry and Ross came behind him.   
"What?" Kevin looked to Suzy and then to Arin and then to me.   
"Reddit, she read it and I can't... I need to go home."   
"How about you stay here, I'll stay here with you." Arin was offering to stay at the Grump Space with me. Everyone nodded in agreement, they probably thought that if I went home I'd do something stupid.   
I didn't know what to do, all I wanted after today was to go home and see ___ and Charlotte. But they're gone. They left, because of the fans. The fucking fans.   
"Arin, give me your laptop!"   
"Dan... What are going to do?"   
"Just give me the laptop Arin." I wanted to go off on them, and that's what I was going to do. Arin handed me his laptop.   
I typed in the URL to go to the subreddit, and I started a new post.   
"Hello, it's Danny Sexbang. Due to current situations I will not be doing any Game Grumps, Steam Train, GrumpCade, etc episodes. I will also be on hiatus from NSP and Starbomb.   
As some, or most of you may know, my fiancée and I have just recently welcomed a beautiful baby girl into this world. Now, some of you have had a problem with this, and the way that you have voiced your problems with my personal life decisions are cruel and rude and downright disgusting.   
Degrading my fiancée and memeing my daughter are immature and childish. Neither I, nor any of the other grumps will stand by what you are doing.   
My hiatus and lack of appearance on Game Grumps and pretty much everything is due to the fact that what some of you have said has made my fiancée leave, and by leave I mean she got on a plane and is now on her way back to the other side of the fucking continental US, and she took my daughter with her. So, to the people who wanted her to leave, you got what you wanted. But I'm also leaving, and I refuse to come back until she does.   
So, in closing, fuck you guys, you're a bunch of fucking dicks. I hope you're happy."  
I posted it and gave the laptop back to Arin who read what I wrote while everyone else read over his shoulders.   
"That was pretty calm considering they chased ____ away..." Arin peered over the laptop at me and I shrugged. I wasn't going to be a dick, I just didn't have it in me right now. I mean, I was fucking raging on the inside, but I was incapable of putting into words how pissed I was right now.

 

A couple hours passed I was curled up in a ball on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me. I was going through my pictures on my phone of me and ___, and of Charlotte. I bit my lip to keep from crying, I'd save the tears for when I was alone. I didn't want anyone's pity, I just wanted ___ and Charlotte back.   
Suzy's phone *blinged* indicating that she had gotten a text. She texted whoever it was back and then looked to me and smiled. I felt my phone vibrate and I thought that maybe she had sent a funny picture to try to make me laugh.   
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw that it was a text from ____. My heart was racing, and I took a deep breath before I opened the text. 

"Hey Dan, I'm pretty sure Suzy told you where I am and where I'm going. I don't want you to be mad though, it's not you, I just need to give you some space so that you can get some work done. That's what the fans want, so that's what I'll give them. Also, sorry for not texting you sooner, I didn't know I had in flight wifi. Oh, here's a picture of me and Charlotte in the plane. Clouds and shit in the back. I love you." I opened the picture and ____ was holding Charlotte, and she didn't look happy, she was smiling, but I knew it was fake. She didn't want to do this, she thought that it would be better, that I would get work done without her here and the fans would stop giving her shit. God fucking dammit. What I would do to have her and Charlotte here right now. We could be at home, in bed, ugh.   
"Dammit ____, nothing's going to get done. Fucking fuck, I can't do anything without you here. I've been on the verge of tears since Suzy told me that you left. I need you, you don't understand. I love you."   
The three dots showed up indicating that she was writing, then they stopped. This went on for the next three minutes.   
"You didn't see what they said about Charlotte, I didn't want you to see what they said... I didn't want you going off on the fans and losing any because of me and Charlotte. Look, I don't know why they hate me, but they got what they wanted. Me leaving doesn't mean that I love you any fucking less. I don't think you understand how hard this was for me to do, but I did it so they wouldn't hate you for being with me."   
"I could give a fuck less if they hate me for being with you. I don't fucking care what they think. I could have handled them if you just told me. Now you're on a damn plane to the other side of the United States. And don't fucking say that I don't understand how hard it is. It's just as hard for me, if not fucking harder. At least you still have our daughter, I'm all by my fucking self here. You can't just run away from your problems, or in your case fly away from them. I'm here to help you and you left because you couldn't handle it. I'm upset that you're gone but I'm fucking pissed that you left."   
"I have to go, we're landing in Phoenix for more gas." 

I won't be able to sleep tonight until I know she's landed in Maryland. I feel bad for basically going off on her, but Jesus Christ, she didn't even tell me about anything, she just up and left. How did she expect me to react?   
"So what are you gonna do?" Everyone was staring at me, and it was awkwardly quiet until Brian asked that question.   
"Well... I'm going to Maryland." I wasn't going to sit in my empty apartment waiting for her to come back. I wasn't joking or over-exaggerating when I said that I needed to be with her or I needed her with me. It was obvious that I needed her, because ever since finding out she was on that plane my heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest and stomped on and sawed in half.   
"Are you serious? You're going?" Arin was asking this time.   
"Yeah, I'm going to get her. I need to resolve this, I need her and Charlotte back."   
"Well when are you going?" Arin was shocked with my spontaneous decision to just hop on a plane to get her, but if he were in my situation and it was Suzy who just jumped on a plane without a word he would do the same thing.   
"I'm taking the next flight there. Nobody tell her. I want to surprise her."   
"Oh it'll definitely surprise her." Suzy was looking down at her phone when she mumbled that. I didn't understand what she meant until she passed me her phone.   
Suzy had been texting ___, and the last text from ___ was   
"I think Dan hates me. He's really mad, I was just trying to help. I'm a horrible person. He doesn't even want me back does he?" 

I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. She thinks I hate her and that I don't want her back, she isn't used to me flipping out, I've never even done it around her, let alone to her. Well... Actually, besides Christmas time.   
All she wanted to do was help, and I'm making her feel bad for trying.   
"Hey Dan, do you want someone to come with you?" Brian was probably hoping I would say yes to his question, but I honestly didn't want anyone to come with me. I needed to do this by myself.   
"No, no, I need to handle this, just me and ___, you know?"   
Everyone nodded in agreement. I'm glad that they understand where I'm coming from.   
"I'm going to go home and pack some things, buy a plane ticket, I have to get started." I got up and Arin followed me to the door.   
"Hey man, if you need anything, I'm here."   
I nodded in response and Arin patted my back as I walked out the door. 

I walked over to the car and when I got in I sat there for a second. My mind hadn't fully come to terms with what was happening right now, but as it all ran through again I finally broke down into tears. I laid my head against my hands on the steering wheel. I was hoping that this was all some type of shitty nightmare, and that I'd wake up and ___ would be next to me. But it wasn't a dream, and ____ is probably half way to Maryland by now. Realizing this motivated me to get going, I stuck the key into the ignition and pulled out of the parking spot.   
It was late, 8 o'clock now, and there was no traffic, so I would be able to get home quickly.   
My phone started vibrating in the cup holder, I thought that maybe it was Arin or Suzy texting me, but it continued vibrating. I picked it up to see who was calling, and it was ____. I plugged my phone in so I could answer.   
"Hey, you done being angry now?" The way she started the call, I knew she was upset. She became very sassy when she was upset.   
"Yes, I'm done. How are you calling? Are you alright?" I knew that in flight wifi didn't allow calls to be made.   
"Yeah, we had a layover in Pennsylvania, so I'm here for I don't know how long, they have to refuel the plane." She's almost to Maryland now.   
"So, it's like, 11 for you? How's Charlotte doing?" I was so worried, not only about ___, but Charlotte is only two weeks old, this is probably a lot for her.   
"Yeah, it's late, jet lag though so, I'm doing alright. Charlottes fine, she's been sleeping through the whole trip mostly. She only wakes up for bottles and to be changed, it's basically the same as back at home." Yeah, back home, where the both of them aren't. Where I'm going to be alone.  
I pulled up to the apartment and sat outside for a little bit, listening to the background sound of the airport travel through the car while ____ was waiting for my response.   
"I miss you, you're not here. I'm outside the apartment and I'm terrified to even go inside, I know you're not there and it's going to kill me. It's already killing me knowing you're not there, but going in and seeing it empty..."   
"I'm sorry, honestly. I know, I should have talked to you before I did this, but I needed my mom, she always helped me in situations like these, and I just needed her."   
"I understand that, but I could have come with you..."   
"That would have only pissed the fans off more. A lack of episodes because you were busy comforting me." The fucking fans, always the fans. Fucking lovelies my ass. Not all of them are bad, but fuck those few in particular who made ___ leave.   
"The fans don't matter right now. When it comes to me, you, and Charlotte the fans don't matter at all. How the hell did you even read those comments?"   
"I got on Reddit, most of the stuff on there is funny, I was just scrolling and then I went to the Game Grumps subreddit and I saw a picture of Charlotte and I wanted to see what people were saying..."   
"Well... I don't want you going to that subreddit anymore. Not until we find a way to get the moderators to make sure that the fans aren't saying shit like that."   
"Alright... Well, the planes boarding again. I love you, I'll call you when I land."   
"I love you too." 

The call ended, I unplugged the aux cord and sluggishly opened the door to get out. I was reluctant to go in, but I knew I had to get in and purchase the plane ticket and pack my things.   
This made me move faster and I rummaged through my keychain to find the apartment key and quickly put it in the key hole and turned it.   
I pushed the door open and slammed it shut. I ran to the bedroom and got the laptop and went to Southwest to get a ticket. I got the last economy seat left, it was $600. It was for tomorrow morning at 10, and it was a straight flight.   
I checked my email for the confirmation email. I shut the laptop after I saw the email and rushed to the closet to pack the things I needed.   
I came to a halt when I looked in and saw that ___'s suitcase was gone along with half of her clothes. It made it all more real to me. I pulled out my duffle bag and shoved some clothes in along with socks and underwear. I zipped up the bag and took it out of the room and set it down near the front door so I wouldn't forget it.   
It was 9:30 pm now and if I went to sleep now I'd be able to sleep for 11 hours which is good enough. I'd mostly sleep on the whole plane ride there anyway.   
I stripped down to my underwear and curled up under the covers. The bed felt empty without ____ next to me. The room was a deadly eerie silent without the sound of Charlottes monitor ticking, it was an oddly relaxing sound that let ___ and I know that she was breathing. It was an Angel Beats baby monitor that ___ had demanded that we get while she was still pregnant. 

 

I finally fell asleep at 11 after tossing and turning for an hour and a half. When I woke up in the morning to the sound of my alarm going off the blankets were a jumbled mess. I untangled myself from them and got up. It was 8:30 and I had an hour to get to the airport. I knew it would take another 30 minutes to go through baggage and find the terminal.   
I struggled to get on my pants, I was still half asleep and I was tripping over my own feet. I grabbed a shirt and slipped it on and grabbed my leather jacket off the back of one of the dining room chairs.   
I ran to the front door and grabbed my bag. I rushed to lock the door behind me and then almost fell while trying to run to the car.   
When I got in the car I checked the dashboard clock, it was 8:40 now.   
I just had to get to the airport, it wasn't that far. I put on my Rush playlist and turned it down so it was just background noise.   
When I got to a red light I checked my notifications and saw that I had a missed call from ____. It was from 12 o'clock.   
I also had a text that told me that she landed and her mom had picked her up.   
That made me feel a lot better, I knew she was safe. Even if she wasn't with me, she was with her mom, and her and Charlotte were safe, that's all that matters. 

 

I finally got to the airport at 9:13, and I was through baggage and security by 9:45. I had 15 minutes to get to the terminal.   
I found it easily thanks to my constant travels with the Grumps, and my travels to multiple conventions, I knew my way around airports. 

I got on the plane and placed my duffle bag in the the little cabinet area above my seat. I looked out the window and watched the last of the crew step away from the plane, some pushing carts, and others were driving what looked like golf carts.   
I buckled my seatbelt and texted Arin and the rest of the Grumps that I was on the plane and I texted ____ and told her I love her before turning off my phone.  
I got comfortable in my seat and laid my head back and closed my eyes as I felt the gentle rumble of the engine and awaited the pilot to give his speech indicating the coming of my long journey.


	10. Surprises

I had arrived at BWI at around two in the morning. I was hesitant to call my mom, I feared that she was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. When it came to being back home I was just as much a child as I was twenty years ago.   
But I didn't want to spend my first night back in Maryland at an airport hotel with my daughter, so instead of calling my mom I decided to text her. I told her I had made it and that I hoped she wasn't sleeping yet.   
It took all of 60 seconds for her to reply and say that she was on her way. I put two receiving blankets over Charlotte and tucked them around her, then I put a doubled over crib blanket over top of the car seat. I fished my only jacket out of my suitcase and slipped it on and zipped it up. Aprils on the East Coast were still pretty chilly, and it being night time would only make it colder.   
I waited in one of the rows of chairs that faced towards the doors. There was barely anybody here, maybe ten people. Most of them probably had early flights and decided to wait in the airport instead of spending a bunch of money on a crappy hotel room next to the airport.   
The roads shouldn't be congested, it was pretty early, or maybe late, it was early late. My foggy recollection of my ride to the airport when I was 6 and my mother had wanted my brother, my sister and I to go to Tennessee with my grandmother for the summer. From what I remembered the ride to the airport hadn't even taken a full hour, maybe 45 minutes at least.   
I had to pass the time somehow, so I scrolled through Facebook, intermittently checking Charlotte. I had to pee, but I didn't like using public restrooms, so I just had to wait for my mom to get here.   
I was thirsty, so I went carried Charlottes car seat over to the vending machine with me and dug through my wallet to look for a dollar or some loose change that would add up. I got a water and carried Charlotte back to the the row of seats and put the car seat down on the chair next to me.   
My c-section incision was tingling, it ached every time I got up or carried Charlottes car seat. I know that when Dan asked how I was doing earlier he meant how that was, but I tried to deter it, thankful that he had asked about Charlotte in the same sentence.   
I wonder what he was going to do while I was here. Hopefully he'll get some work done. I know he's mad at me that I left so spontaneously, I understand that completely. I know, well, I hope I know that he'd come to me if he had any problems and that he'd talk to me so I would be able to talk him out of leaving like I did.   
It's not like I left him though, not in the technical meaning of the phrase. Of course I didn't leave him, I love Dan, he's the only man I've ever loved like this. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.   
Charlotte started crying, and I had just fed her when we landed, so she wasn't hungry, so I changed her diaper and walked her around a little to try to calm her down. 

I was facing the opposite direction of the door, and when I turned around I almost started crying. My mom was standing in the doorway of the airport looking at me smiling. When I saw her smile I immediately felt home. This was exactly what I needed, because while Dan made me feel safe and loved and protected, it just wasn't like my mothers love and protection.   
She walked over to me and looked me over.   
"Hi mommy!" I was already crying and I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. It looked like she was crying too. But we were both smiling.   
"Oh my, don't cry, you're making me cry. Come here, let me see my grandbaby real quick." I handed Charlotte over to my mom who's face lit up immediately. She cradled her and cooed to her. She gently ran her finger across her face and Charlotte smiled underneath her pacifier.   
It warmed my heart to see that Charlotte made my mom so happy.   
"She's so pretty ____, you and Dan made a beautiful baby."   
"Thank you mommy. Hey, can we get going. I've been sitting or standing the past I don't even know how many hours, these chairs are super uncomfortable."   
"Alright, alright. Let's go." She put Charlotte back in her car seat and bundled her up in the blankets.   
My mom helped me by carrying Charlottes car seat and I wheeled my suitcase. It was nice not having to lug both things, and hopefully the incision won't hurt so much now.   
We walked over to her car, it was a small four door sedan. I wasn't very good with names, but it sort of reminded me of Dans old car.   
She put Charlotte in the back and made sure the seatbelt was holding the car seat in place and keeping it steady. I put my suitcase in the trunk and slipped into the front seat while my mom walked around the back to her side.   
"I'm gonna have to bring out one of the old car seat holders for the car, cause I'm just feeling very nervous about only having it strapped in with the seatbelt."   
"Mom, you're talking twenty years ago or more, you think they'll pace safety regulations?"   
"No need to be over protective honey, that car seat was passed down from your sister to your brother and then to you. It's held up very well, still in mint condition basically. And you all are still here, right? I wouldn't put Charlotte in it if it wasn't safe." I nodded in agreement. My mom had a good heart and I know she wouldn't do anything that would put Charlotte in danger.   
As my mom was driving home I decided to try and call Dan. It was about 12 in the morning there and he was probably sleeping, but maybe not, you never know with him. I dialed his number and let it ring a few times. He didn't answer, so he was obviously sleeping. I ended up just texting him to let him know that I landed and me and Charlotte are with my mom now.   
"So, where am I sleeping tonight?" I looked over to my mom who was tapping on the steering wheel and smiling. She was always so happy, and the little lines that formed above the corners of her mouth were the only signs of aging she had. She's in her early 40's now, and she's aged so gracefully that she doesn't look a day over 30. It's weird to think that her and Dan are only five or six years apart in age.   
"Well, in the short time that I had to get ready, Peter and I got to bring out your old bassinet that we had put away. I forgot how pretty it was. But, you'll be sleeping in your room, and I set up the bassinet next to your bed." Peter was my step-father, but my biological dad have left when I was young, so Peter has basically been my dad since I was eight.   
"Thanks mom, you didn't have to do that though, she could have slept with me in my bed."   
"Oh, she'll probably be sleeping there anyway if she wakes up in the middle of the night." She started laughing and I laughed along with her. It felt like old times, her and I were close, like best friends. When I left to go to California I thought that it would have been gone, but now I'm back in Maryland and it's the same as it was before, like nothing even changed. 

We pulled up in front of my house, it was a nice little two story townhouse in a nice suburban neighborhood. I grabbed my suitcase out of the trunk and my mom got Charlotte out of the car and started walking with me up to the house.   
The porch light flicked on and Peter opened up the front door and came out to help my mom carry the car seat in and my mom grabbed the suitcase from me so she could wheel it in.   
When I walked in the house a wave of nostalgia washed over me. It was the same as it was the day I left, nothing had changed, right down to my dog laying across the couch like he was when I walked out the door last August.   
Peter placed the car seat down on the floor and walked over to me to give me a hug and I started crying again. It was an emotional thing, being back home, I felt like a child again. A child that ran home to her parents when things got bad, a child that no matter how independent I felt, always needed the support of my mom at some point.   
That's why I'm here, that's why I had left Dan behind and brought my daughter and myself across the country to Maryland. I had said it was for Dan, and while in my heart I knew that it was partially for Dan, I really don't want him to deal with a bunch of hate because of me and Charlotte, I realized that it was mostly for me, for my sake and my sanity.   
I was selfish for leaving, ridiculously selfish, I know that if I would have just told Dan that I wanted to go home for a little bit he would have understood. He wouldn't have held me back, he wasn't like that. But I left without anyone knowing, I had taken Charlotte with me. Left Dan behind, only to be informed by Suzy after the plane had taken off.   
I was blind at the time to how deeply it would affect Dan, what this would do to him. He left in the morning, thinking he would come back home to Charlotte and I, and it must have been like a punch in the gut to hear that I had left so abruptly, so out of the blue. I practically side lined them all. I felt horrible now, I understood why he had been so frustrated with me. 

I looked up at my mom who was staring at me, a hint of worry touched her face. She was as worried about me as anyone else was. Everyone was always worried about me. I always got myself into some type of problem, even when I tried to avoid problems, I attracted them. I was like a magnet for all things bad. I don't know how anyone put up with me, let alone wanted to keep me around.   
"I'm going to go up to bed, thank you for letting me stay. I love you." My mom came over to kiss my forehead and she leaned in to whisper in my ear "You know I'm here if something's wrong. Don't hold it in, I love you." It came out rushed, and she kissed my forehead one last time before backing away.   
I unbuckled Charlotte from her car seat and took her upstairs with me along with my diaper bag. The rooms were set up pretty much the same as when I left, aside from the new addition of my old bassinet that was now in my room.   
I walked in slowly, it was weird being here. My bed was made neatly with the same blankets I've had since I was a little girl. The walls were the same light pastel pink, and the pictures of the painted butterflies were hanging in the same spot on the wall.   
My mother and Peter had had the option to get rid of all the furniture in my room after I left and after I told them that I was pregnant and engaged. They probably thought that I wouldn't be coming back, only for visits, but here was my room, nothing changed, nothing moved. Everything was in the same place, down to the slight splatter of foundation on my mirror. It was almost as if my mom had wanted to keep the room exactly how it was when I left, just to make it seem like I was still there.   
Now that I think about it, she must have been pretty lonely. Peter worked from 8:30pm to 6:30 in the morning, and he usually slept most of the day until dinner and then he goes back to sleep right after. She didn't really have anyone. My sister and her husband had moved to Virginia after she had her daughter, and she and her husband work a lot so it's hard for them to find time to travel to visit my mom.   
My brother moved to Arizona to be with his long distance girlfriend of three years, and they just got engaged. He calls my mom every night, but it isn't the same as him actually being home.   
I was the last one to leave, and I now understand how hurt my mom must have been when we all left. I would be devastated when Charlotte got older and left the nest, even if it wasn't out of state. 

I climbed onto my bed, I forgot how squeaky it was. Every time I moved it squeaked loudly and I laughed to myself.   
My mom showed up in the doorway with my suitcase in tow. She walked in and smiled as she set down the suitcase.   
"It's nice seeing you here, like old times, ya know." I gave her a genuine smile, it was like old times. She sat down on the bed and it squeaked underneath her. We both laughed softly. "Hmm, has it always been this loud?" I rolled my eyes as she shimmied a little to make it squeak more. "I missed you, I'm glad you're back, you know... I know it's not for long but, it's nice. And I'm glad I finally got to meet her." She looked over to Charlotte who was laying in the bassinet. "She looks a lot like you, same round chubby face. Seeing her in there makes me feel like I'm looking at you as a baby. Well, I'm gonna let you get some sleep, I'm gonna head to bed as well. Gosh, it's already five in the morning. Love ya." I gave her a hug and she patted my leg before she got up. The bed squeaked as she got up and as she was walking out she mumbled under her breath "loud ass bed".   
I laughed as I got everything situated. I put all of Charlottes things on the night stand next to my bed and got up to close the door and slip into some pajamas. I turned off the light and crawled into bed. 

 

I woke up to the smell of pancakes coming up from the kitchen. I stretched and looked over to the bassinet. Charlotte had slept through the night, it must have been all the traveling, it wore her out.   
I grabbed my phone from the night stand and checked the time. It was 11 in the morning and I had to remember that California was three hours behind. It was only 8 there and Dan was probably still sleeping.   
I got up and slipped out of the room so as to not wake up Charlotte. I walked down the stairs and looked around. The living room looked smokey and I ran into the kitchen to see what was going on.   
"Good morning! We made pancakes, well, burnt pancakes, but, some of them are less burnt than the others so, take your pick." Peter was practically shouting it. I ran my hand through my hair and ruffled it a bit. I wasn't really in the mood to eat, I was still so tired, but I didn't want to be rude, so I grabbed one of the slightly less burnt pancakes off the plate and smothered it with butter and syrup.   
I sat at the table and started cutting up the pancake as my mom and Peter sat down with me. They were both in their pajamas as well, so I didn't feel bad about coming to breakfast in my pajamas.   
"So, how did you sleep? Is Charlotte still sleeping? Are you still tired? You can go back to sleep after your pancake if you want." My mom was rushing out these questions at me, and I was still tired, so I didn't answer immediately. I chewed my piece of pancake slowly and when I finally did swallow "I slept fine, she's really tired from the traveling, I'm gonna let her sleep. And I can get past my tiredness, I don't want Charlotte to wake up while I'm sleeping."   
My mom finished chewing quickly and wiped her face with a napkin. "Oh, I would have no problem taking care of Charlotte while you slept. It's no big deal, I'll feed her and take care of all that fun stuff. You need to sleep too honey, you can't run yourself into the ground. Especially if you had a c-section, you need some rest." I nodded and chewed the last piece of my pancake while contemplating this. She was willing to watch Charlotte for me while I got some rest, which would be good. I need some sleep, traveling has taken its toll on me, I hadn't slept through the whole plane trip, worried about Charlotte the entire time. I had only had six hours of sleep here, and I just needed more.  
"Sooooooo...?" She poked at my arm playfully and I smiled and nodded to her "Yeah, I think I'm gonna head back to bed, lemme just-" I went to grab my plate to wash it and my mom grabbed the plate before my hands could even firmly grip it. "No, Nono, get some sleep honey. You need it." I sighed and walked over to the stairs and looked back at my mom. She smiled at me and I retreated back to my room.   
I checked Charlotte again, she was still sleeping, but she'll probably wake up soon. I made sure that everything for Charlotte was out on the nightstand so that my mom didn't have to look all over the place for a bottle or diapers or wipes. I crawled into bed and slid under the blankets once more and quickly drifted off to sleep. 

 

~~~~~~~

 

I woke up to the sound of my phone chiming and the vibration against the table. I checked it and saw that it was Dan. I had five missed calls from him and I yawned before quickly answering.   
"Dan? What's wrong? Are you okay?" The background noise was loud and it was hard to make out what he was saying.   
"Dan, I can't hear you? Where are you?" I heard a door close and the sound of cars.   
"Holy shit, I forgot how cold it would be here. Good thing I have my jacket. Hey babe! You missed my calls, are you alright?" Cold? It's not cold in California. What the hell is he talking about? "Yeah, I'm fine. I was sleeping. What are you doing?" There was silence and then he cleared his throat. "Well... I'm standing outside, and I'm freezing my ass off." I was still confused. "Where are you at?" He laughed, it was a nervous laugh. "Uhm, well... I probably should have gotten a rental car before doing this, last minute things... But, do you think you can pick me up from the airport?" My jaw dropped. He was joking, he had to be joking. "Are you shitting me right now Daniel?" He laughed again, this one wasn't so nervous. "Ha, Daniel. I'm not joking, seriously. I said I need you, I need to be with you. Since you weren't there I came here. I love you." My heart was beating a mile a minute. Dan was at the airport, he was in Maryland. He came for me, he dropped everything to come here. "I love you too, let me just, oh jeez. I have to tell my mom, we'll come get you." I heard the smile in his voice when he answered "Good, I can't wait to see you, God, you don't understand." I did understand though, I was more than excited to see him. "I'll call you back when we're on our way, I'll see you soon." I hung up the phone and quickly ran down the stairs to see my mom on the couch feeding Charlotte and watching the news.   
"Mom! Mom oh my god, we have to get to the airport!" She quickly looked up at me, I had gotten her attention immediately.   
"What's wrong! Did you leave something there?" She got up and handed Charlotte to me. "Sort of, no time to explain right now. Good thing you're dressed, we have to go." I buckled Charlotte into her car seat and bundled her up in the blankets and draped the big blanket over the top. My mom ran to get the keys and I slipped on a jacket over my pajama top and threw my hair up in a sloppy bun. She kissed Peter goodbye, he looked just as confused as she did and his eyes followed us as her and I walked out the door. She buckled Charlottes car seat into the back and I quickly climbed in the passenger side and she did the same.   
She started the car and sped off. "Can you tell me what it is now?" She looked over at me quickly and then looked back at the road in front of her. "Yeah, let me just, gotta make a call real quick." She sighed and watched me out of the corner of her eye as I dialed Dans number. It rang once and he answered. I put it on speaker.   
"Hey, we're on our way. You're on speaker, say hi to my mom!" My mom looked over at me and back down at my phone. "Hi Mrs. ___, I thought we'd have a more formal introduction, but since ___ put me on the spot, I'm Dan." My moms tension eased and she smiled a little. She continued talking to him as she drove. "So, I'm picking you up from the airport?" He laughed a little at her response. "Yes ma'am, sorry it's on such short notice."   
"That's alright, I think you'll be happy to know that ___ is still in her pajamas, I think you caught her off guard more than she caught me." She laughed and Dan laughed along with her. I felt my face heat up and I hid my face in my hands.   
"Well, that'll be a great welcoming sight. I flew all the way across the country to see her in her pjs."   
"Well good thing, cause that's what you're getting." I was glad that they were getting along and joking around but I was embarrassed. I sunk my head and my mom looked over to me. "Oh honey, don't be embarrassed, you know I'm just messing around."   
"Is she blushing, aww, I'm missing it." Dans voice came through the phone and I could hear the smile in it.   
"Oh yeah, she's red as an apple. So, why did you really come to Maryland?" My moms question was serious and I looked down at the phone, waiting for his response. It took a little while for him to answer.   
"____ and Charlotte are in Maryland, so I have to be here too. I can't be away from them. I love your daughter ma'am, and damn I wish we weren't having this conversation over the phone, but, I'd like to make your daughter my wife one day." The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering like crazy. He's talked about marrying me multiple times, but him saying it to my mom made it all the more real. It wasn't a joke, he was serious about it, he wanted to spend his life with me as much as I wanted to spend mine with him. 

We pulled up to the airport. I looked around and I immediately spotted him through the large crowd of people. He towered above people, I don't know if it was his height or just his hair, but I knew it was him. I muted my phone for a second to tell her to keep the conversation while I went to get him. She smiled and nodded and I unmuted my phone as I got out of the car.   
I shimmied through the crowd of people all waiting for their rides to show up. I bumped into some of them and got angry looks from most. I finally got to him and I poked his back. I was already smiling from ear to ear, just seeing him here was like a dream. I didn't think he'd come, but here he was. He turned around and when he saw me his eyes lit up and he smiled wider than I'd ever seen. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed me repeatedly. He stepped back to look me over and stifled a giggle.   
"That's a nice outfit you got there, I'm really happy I caught you so off guard. You look very sexy and sophisticated, it's a great-"   
"Shut the fuck up!" I didn't think that I said it loud, but people had turned to look at me. Dan was laughing quietly and he kissed me again. "Charlottes waiting in the car, you want to see her?"   
"That's a pretty stupid question babe." He smiled as I rolled my eyes. I grabbed his hand and led him over to the car.   
My mom rolled down her window as we both walked over. She watched us get closer, she was staring at Dan, I knew she was. She was looking him over, trying to get a read on him as she always said. I don't know if Dan felt her stare on him, and if he did he stayed pretty calm about it. Maybe it was just the fact that he was so hellbent on seeing Charlotte that kept him so calm, it kept him focused on her, it made him unaware that my mom was staring him over like a picture in an art museum.   
When we finally reached the car Dan greeted my mom, he shook her hand through the window and introduced himself again. I opened the trunk for him and he tossed his bag in.   
"Do you want to sit next to her or upfront with my mom?" We were still in the back of the car near the trunk.   
"Well, I think that for now I'll sit with Charlotte. I haven't seen her in over 24 hours, and I'd like to do that." He was being serious, there was no hint of joking in the tone. I knew that I'd have to talk to him about what happened when we got back to the house, but right now he just wanted to see her.   
He climbed in the back, the roof was low set so he was leaning against her car seat, his head was resting on the bundle of blankets wrapped around her.   
My mom looked in the rearview mirror back at him and smiled. She'd probably talk to me about how she feels about him later tonight, and I'm hoping that it's all good things. He really is a sweetie, and I wouldn't know what to do if my mom didn't like him. But she really has no reason to not like him. He traveled across the country just to be with me, he's already proven himself to be as great as I told her he was.   
My mom started driving off, and the first couple of minutes were extremely quiet. I didn't know what to say and Dan probably felt the same way, but the silence had to stop at some point and my mom decided to be the one to stop it.   
"So you think I'll be getting a grandson any time soon?" I didn't know if my mom was joking or not, I didn't sense any sarcasm in her voice, she looked over at me and smiled and then in the rearview mirror back at Dan. His head had jerked up after she said it and he was looking at me for some sort of help in answering. When I stayed quiet he sighed and started talking.   
"Well, as much as I'd like to get ____ pregnant again..." My moms head whipped back to look at him directly "I mean, not in the weird way, I'd like to have a son, but not in the immediate future. Her and I both have a lot on our plates and her delivery was tough so I think we're gonna just enjoy Charlottes baby years. Maybe in three or four years it'll happen." She nodded and turned back to the road.   
"So, mom, what's for dinner?" I tried to change the subject, there was no tension but I knew Dan and my mom felt awkward at the moment. I guess all the joking that had went on over the phone ended.   
"Well, I was thinking of making some country fried steak. Does that sound good?" She looked in the rearview mirror to Dan, but he was preoccupied looking at Charlotte and cooing at her. I answered her question with a nod and the drive continued in silence. 

We pulled up to the house and Dan unbuckled the seatbelt that was around Charlottes car seat and pulled her out with him. I walked around to the back to get his bag out of the trunk so I could carry it in for him, but he ended up taking it from me and slung it over his shoulder.   
"I got it babe, you need to be careful. You probably over worked yourself carrying everything through the airport." His look was stern and I took a deep breath as I lead him up to the house trailing behind my mom.   
When we walked in Peter was still sitting on the couch, almost like he hadn't moved since we left. He watched me and my mom walk in, and when Dan walked in behind us his eyes got wide. He looked to me and my mom and then back at Dan.   
"Hello, I'm Dan, nice to meet you." Dan held out his hand and Peter awkwardly shook it.   
Peter is an awkward man, he's not very good in situations like this, he doesn't like being put on the spot. He needs at least a 24 hour warning before meeting someone so he can prepare himself.   
"Hi, I'm Peter. I'm ___'s stepfather. Nice to finally meet you." He sat back down on the couch and Dan looked to me. I guess he was waiting for me to show him around.   
"Uhm, follow me, I'll show you where you can put your things." He nodded and followed me up the stairs, still carrying Charlottes car seat and his duffle bag.   
I held my hand out towards my bedroom, and he went in first and I followed behind him and shut the door behind me. He put the car seat down and quickly got Charlotte out and held her close to his chest.   
"My god, I've missed you. I never want to go through that again." He was whispering against her head while rocking back and forth. He looked up to me and started walking toward me. He situated Charlotte in one hand and grabbed my hand and led me over to my bed.   
"My bed squeaks a lot, so I guess no sex..." I was trying to joke around, there was a lot of tension, and my attempt to lighten the mood was failed when Dan sat down on the bed and patted a spot next to him. He didn't even give a small smile or a slight chuckle at the sound of my bed, and I knew that he was dead serious so I took my place next to him.   
"Do you even understand how fucking much you leaving killed me? Not only you, but our daughter? My fucking daughter, you just up and left with no word on where you were going. What if something were to have happened, nobody would have known." His words were like giant slaps in my face taking me out of my dream like state and bringing me back to reality so I could face the consequence for my selfish actions.   
"I- I don't know, I just- I didn't want to upset you by telling you that I was leaving...." I realized how stupid that was and bit my lip while watching his face.   
"Didn't want to-" he sighed and ran his free hand through his hair "You didn't want to upset me... So you fucking leave without telling me?" He slapped his hand down on his lap and stared at me. His eyes were like daggers, his stare cut right through me.   
"It was stupid, I know. I'm sorry, really sorry. I was upset, and it's like fight or flight and I ran. I was selfish, I didn't think about how it would affect you, all I thought was that I needed to get out, I needed to go. I should have told you. What else do you want me to say? I can't undo it, I'm here. We're here." I started crying and I hid my face in my hands.   
"Shit-" he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him "Shit babe, I didn't want you to cry. I just didn't get it, I do now. But look-" he tilted my chin up so I would look at him "You're right, you're here, and I'm here with you. I love you, I'll always love you, even if you worry me sick with some of the stupid shit you do, I'll still love you. But can you at least tell me if somethings upsetting you so that I can try to help." I nodded and he smiled while wiping away my tears with his thumb. He leaned in to kiss me, it was a soft kiss, sweet, but it had a deepness in it. The kiss lingered, and when he finally pulled back he sighed and leaned his forehead against mine.   
My mom knocked and I jolted back, Dan smiled at my mom as she walked in and mirrored his smile. His happiness was contagious, nobody could help but smile in his presence, I knew this first hand.   
"Peter and I are going to run out and get the stuff for dinner, I really hope you like it Dan." She looked over at him, she always wanted to impress new people with her cooking. She took great pride in her meals, and they were delicious, so I hope Dan liked them as well.   
"I'm sure I will ma'am." She nodded and walked out. When I heard the front door close indicating that her and Peter had left I got up off the bed. Dan was still holding Charlotte, she had finally woken up and he was smiling at her and she was smiling back. I loved seeing him with her like that, I saw the love that he had for her on his face whenever he looked at her.   
He finally looked up at me and then looked around the room. "So, where am I sleeping?" I motioned toward the bed with head and he raised an eyebrow.   
"This is a twin sized bed... How is that gonna work?" I giggled and walked over to him and leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. He kissed me back, but he still had that confused look on his face.   
"We'll make it work." I gave him a sly smile and he jokingly inhaled deeply in surprise.   
"Oh, you naughty girl you." He laughed loudly and I laughed along with him.   
I was glad that he was here, well more than glad, I couldn't find the word for it, but him being here with me made me so fucking happy.   
He wasn't mad at me that I left, he was more upset that I didn't talk to him about it, and once we finally got past that, we were fine, although I knew he would never fully get past the fact that I basically ran away with his daughter all the way across the country. Nobody would forget that.   
But we were on good terms and I promised him that I would talk to him about what was bothering me from now on, communication is important in a relationship, and that was always one of my sore spots. I always tried to handle my problems by myself or I ran to my mom. I didn't want to lose Dan though, so I made that the top on my list of things to work on.   
Charlotte fell asleep after Dan fed her a bottle and he laid her in the bassinet and we both laid across my bed for a little while talking, waiting for my mom to get back with the groceries.   
"You know, I put everything on hold just to be here with you." He was still staring up at the ceiling as he said this. I propped myself up on my elbow and laid on my side to look at him.   
"I said you didn't have to. You could have stayed in California and worked."   
"Ehh, but then I wouldn't be able to do this." He wrapped his arm around me and started kissing me. This time it was a passionate kiss, like he needed it. We didn't have to worry about my mom or Peter walking in. He trailed the kisses down my neck and back up to my lips.   
"I love you, my crazy, stupid girl." I giggled and he planted a ton of sloppy kisses all over my face.   
"Stop it, stop it!" He laid back down and had his arm out for my to lay on. I curled up next to him and put my head on his chest. "I love you too."


End file.
